Musing

Blaming addicts for their addictions is unhelpful. Judgment is just emotional dishonesty repackaged as truth.

Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death, and what I know about not being able to not.

Some thoughts on rape shield laws, hearsay, and why confronting one’s rapist in court shouldn’t be the price of justice.

I was wrong about Ashley Madison.

A reader in her 40s asks whether I prefer younger women. The honest answer is complicated, and has to do with the difference between 2-D and 3-D.

I used to reply to every message instantly — in work, in dating, in sexting. Now I’ve learned that the space between messages can be more charged than the messages themselves.

A taxonomy of sexual commitment — what we promise, what we pretend, and what we actually mean.

Steve Martin’s “The Cruel Shoes,” and why I’d rather see a woman in flats than in heels.

You thought I was talking about oral sex? No — I’m talking about how it feels to have a hot woman shampoo your hair.

My cock is hungry, and there’s no word for the sensation — not quite an ache, not quite an itch, not quite restlessness, but something insistent and entirely its own.