Compulsion

I contrast my past destructive obsession with commercial sex against my current generative, productive compulsion with AI tools.

Intrusive thoughts on a massage table.

What is it that draws me to women who make me feel bad, who fail to keep me in mind in the ways for which I long?

Why is it that what turns me on at the moment is images of women’s thighs and cunts, videos of women masturbating, coming?

A glimpse, maybe, into how, and why, I do things that produce nothing but suffering.

A twelve-year-old boy, a closet, a cousin with breasts, and the indelible shame of getting caught — plus some thoughts on what we owe the teenage boys who do creepy things.

Sofia’s right: I really am difficult. The two dangers of being desired — having instead of getting, and being wanted in the wrong amount.

The logistics of assembling a group encounter, and a candid note on the difference between gently preferring something and dangerously needing it.

When a woman shows interest in me, my body goes into overdrive — and my judgment disappears.

A glossary of sorts — what I actually mean when I say “compulsion” and “addiction,” and why the distinction matters more than you might think.