2020

Sometimes I struggle to sleep….

I can breathe.

The addictive elixir of submission.

Why clothing is sexier than nudity; why lace is hotter than cotton; why fishnets appeal….

I torture myself.

Infantile wounds leave me vulnerable to the annihilating terror of ceasing to exist.

My mother abandoned me….

When Marina behaves badly, I want to hurt her. Well, not hurt her. But I want her to suffer. And I don’t want to suffer. And, I want her to stop behaving badly. Marina – for all her virtues – consistently behaves badly, in one particular way.

An inauspicious start to my owning Marina’s cunt for 48 hours.

For me, sex is best tinged with a bit of sadness. Sadness provides an edge.