2014

I hate it when Tinder decides I’m undesirable. Not when WOMEN on Tinder decide it, but when the app itself does.

These are just a few of my basic rules for distant buddies – or, if you prefer, online sex partners.

Sofia sends me hot pictures. Seriously hot pictures.

More on intimidation: I’m not intimidating at all, unless you’re inside your own head about the fact that I’ve had a lot of experience getting my cock sucked.

A woman on Tinder tells me I’m intimidating. This is too bad — for both of us.

Sofia walks into the room dressed as I’ve instructed, and I’m not ready to use her — not yet.

The word “no” is poison to me — not because I don’t respect your limits, but because I need you to find another way to draw them.

Rose and I check into the Liberty Inn, Room 101, past the bullet-proof glass and the vending machine selling condoms and M&Ms.

Sofia’s body, in ten photos she chose for me.

A turbo-slut, a Tinder match, and the inevitable trajectory from first message to leaving the bar.