Ambivalence

I had intense and uneven sex with Saya after one of her parties, shaped by her exhaustion, my desire, and our ambiguous emotional entanglement.

There are a number of women with whom I’ve interacted who give me the ambivalence I seem to crave. This is an (alphabetical) chronicle of ambivalence. It’s not complete, but it’s indicative both of how I seem to inspire ambivalence,…

I wrote about how I should run from E, whose ambivalence, I felt sure, spelled ruination for me (and for whom my ardor spelled her ruination). I didn’t run, and I’m glad. Contrary to past experience of such situations, E…

If I’m honest, in my moments of greatest pain, loneliness, rejection, perceived abandonment, what I want more than anything isn’t sex. No, it’s sex with someone I’m paying. This was true before I reined in my out-of-control behavior, and it’s…