Advice

Two principles I try to remember: it’s almost always more useful to ask what *we* did than what *you* did, and more useful to think about what *I* can change than what *you* should.

Forget the quizzes — if your gut says something’s wrong, it is. Here’s what I actually find useful instead.

Some hard-won lessons about lying, value, and the different games men and women play at the juncture of sex and money.

Ruts are underrated. Being on different pages — that’s the real problem.

A young friend wants her boyfriend to spank her. He won’t. She asks me for advice — and whether I worry about getting old.

Someone asked me what I know about cock worship, and I had a lot to say.

Rules are less important than communication — before, during, and after. And caution on a first visit will be repaid with a much better second one.

Two perspectives, one column: Liza and I are launching a joint advice venture, because every question deserves both a monogamist’s and a slut’s answer.

A reader has questions about Le Trapeze, sex addiction, and going to a swing club while pregnant. I have answers.

Acceptance has gotten me further than communication or compromise ever did.