Category
My story
The tale of N., from the beginning
67 posts
Repiphany
Read moreA sudden re-realization.
Contested history, memory, and the body
Read moreAnother part of my mother’s abandonment of me, of my loss of safety.
An epiphany of sorts
Read moreSome of my thoughts about WHY I want the things I want.
My second mid-life crisis
Read moreMy second mid-life crisis, in some greater detail.
Sex addiction
Read moreDoes sex addiction exist? Am I a sex addict? Was I a sex addict? Does it even matter what words I use to describe my experience?
Every so often
Read moreI’m reminded of one of the women with whom I had a relationship back in my CPOS days. I was then as I am now in many ways: the women who sucked my cock were women I got to know,…
Early porn, part 1
Read moreThe very first porn I remember seeing was in a friend’s “clubhouse.” Ironically, the magazine was a “Club.” This friend was notable primarily for his insistence that, though his birthday was November 1, his real birthday was October 31, but…
A rookie mistake
Read moreI used to imagine that there was a simple explanation. To anything. To everything. I imagined, for example, that there was a simple explanation for my out-of-control sexual behavior. I thought someone (my shrink?) could just tell it to me,…
Rejection
Read moreThere is one thing in life I fear more than anything else. One feeling worse than any other: the pang of rejection. It is, for me, bodily. In its anticipation, my heart quickens, my chest tightens, my shoulders hunch, I…
Addicted to what?
Read moreEven more than sex, or commercial sex, during my days of “addiction,” I was compelled by web sites about sex, web sites that promised sex. There are a few categories of these, ranging from the utopian ones that promise free…