I’ve written a little about Shakira, but not a lot, and for the purposes of this post, I think I’m going to start at ground zero. Presuming you know nothing about her, presuming I’ve said nothing about her.
I’ve stretched with Shakira for a bit more than a year now, off and on. We met on Seeking. She’s unusual among the women with whom I stretch. In some ways, more mature, more together. In other ways, somehow less so. Whip smart, stunningly beautiful, sophisticated, glamorous, and elegant, Shakira inhabits a corner of the universe unfamiliar to me, for the most part. Her world is filled with people whose jobs, whose value, consist of some combination of retail skills, beauty, and style. And while she does some sex work of the sugar baby kind, it’s not that world I’m describing.
The Beginning of Our Dynamic
Shakira and I started stretching a while ago, and while I very briefly had fantasies that the two of us might one day have a date, she unceremoniously set me straight very early in our relationship, making clear that she simply does not see me in any category in which she might date. Partly, this has to do with my marital status. Partly, with my age. And, I fear, partly, for more superficial reasons, having to do with my appearance, my build, my style, etc.
Whatever the reasons, early on, I divested myself of the fantasy that she and I might hook up.
Over the months, Shakira has surprised me, in at least a couple of ways. She’s been more generous with her body on screen than I might have imagined she would be. Not just more generous. I think, in a low-key way, more enthusiastic. She would never admit to it, but I think she genuinely likes showing me her body.
This is a woman who gets hit on a dozen times a day, who is on some level so confident in her appeal as to be arrogant. At the same time, it’s undeniable that she appreciates something about the way in which I appreciate her. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m both transparent about my desire and completely un-intimidated by her.
Mutual Understanding and Emotional Nuance
She’s told me that one of her selection criteria for men is that they be completely in love with her, that they be devoted to her. This isn’t a requirement about exclusivity. It’s a requirement about enthusiasm.
For better or for worse, my enthusiasm for Shakira is not up to her standard. That’s not to say I’m not enthusiastic. It’s to say I’m not in thrall to my enthusiasm, that it doesn’t push me to do things I wouldn’t otherwise do. Add to that, with the passage of time, Shakira has come to feel seen by me. Known by me. Understood by me. We have more than a little in common. We both tend to be a bit dominant in our relationships. She with a bit of a sadistic edge. Or maybe less sadistic and more transactional. Or maybe simply less sentimental.
I’ve joked to her that she needs to be tamed, settled, subdued, even as she wants to maintain her sense of dominance. When I said this, I had the sense that Shakira had not felt so seen in quite some time.
Where We Are Now
Where we are today is here. We stretch together once, maybe twice a week. Occasionally, I buy her something sheer in which she will show me her pretty body. She talks at me, mostly about work, to a lesser extent about sugar daddies, dating, love, and, only indirectly, sex.
It’s not a very flirty relationship. In keeping with all of her relationships, it’s pretty straightforwardly transactional.
And yet, and yet, lately I’ve found myself wondering, allowing myself to imagine that there might be some configuration of facts I could bring about, that might lead to some sort of sexual interaction, or even a quasi-sexual interaction, minus the transactional aspect between us.
I’m sure this isn’t possible. I’m sure this is just my imagination at work. But, one of the exciting elements of this period in my life is that my imagination is very much at work.