I’ve had a porn crush on Jessica Stoya ever since I saw her in “Hysterical Literature.” I’ve posted that clip, and links to it, dozens of times on this blog. I’ve written about her half a dozen times on this blog. She’s one of the two female porn stars (Sasha Grey is the other) who’ve most haunted my imagination over the years. [Query what it is about pale black-haired women….]
I knew she left porn. I knew she was writing a column (“How to do it“) for Slate. And, I should say, Slate occupies a place in my mind not entirely unlike that occupied by Jessica Stoya: I loved it, back in the day, and then, it changed, and became both less interesting and less available to me.
Imagine my surprise, then, the other day, when I got an e-mail from one “Jessica Stoya.”
I was tickled. But, I was busy. It took me three days to respond.
She had asked me a question: it seems she’d been asked by a mid-40s couple about the options for swingers of their age in New York. She found me by Googling “Le Trapeze” – RIP – and what she read led her to imagine I might know something of use. I wrote a response. I pressed “send.” And, I should say, I was tickled, flattered, and maybe even a little excited. Would Slate link to me? Would I get to know Jessica Stoya better than just this single exchange?
I knew better, of course. I knew that Slate probably wouldn’t link to me, and if it did, it would be among the less exciting links I’ve received over the years. Slate, sadly, jumped the shark years ago. Or, I think it did, but I don’t know for sure because all the parts I might want to read are behind a mis-priced paywall. And even at its peak, Slate was no Fleshbot, or Playboy….
And, I knew that Jessica Stoya and I weren’t going to get to know one another. She’s a bona fide star; I’m a bona fide creeper. Or, if not creeper, at least, a nobody. [I don’t mean that in a harsh or self-negating way; I just mean, I write a big blog with a very small audience.] There’s no reason we should get to know one another.
Still: I wanted to give her a thoughtful response, and I wanted to – respectfully, not creepily – express the sentiment “I’m a fan.”
I sat down to write, and pounded out the following:
Jessica Stoya:
Sorry for my delayed response!
First off, I’m a big fan of yours. All sorts of your work, ranging from your Slate column to “Hysterical Literature” to other stuff. And, I’ve written about you more than once – both in the context of Hysterical Literature and in the aftermath of your accusations of James Deen. Anyway – big fan.
Re: your question…. OneLegUp is a private party that happens every 6-8 weeks that ranges in size from small to big that’s welcoming of all ages. Chemistry and Behind Closed Doors skew younger, but there are older folks there too (though they tend to be “hipper,” “cooler,” and “hotter” older folks).
There’s also some skeevier/more questionable parties/places: I’ve never been to Labyrinth, but a) they accept single men, which is never a good sign, and b) when I nearly went to a party there, I walked by the outside, and it, um, wasn’t promising.
Finally, I’ve never been to Checkmate, but a guy I wrote about and saw occasionally at Le Trapeze… bought Checkmate a few years ago and tried to entice me. At the time, I wasn’t going to such clubs, so I can’t really speak for it…. He was a regular at Le Trapeze, and I suspect he was trying to replicate/improve on Le Trapeze.
Anyway – good luck, and I hope my info is a) helpful, and b) not too late.
N.
I don’t know if I managed to strike the right note(s), but… a few hours after I pressed send (and one very strange dream featuring Jessica Stoya, among others, later), I received a reply from her: “N, Thank you! Unfortunately the piece is already written. Best, Jessica.”
Oh well.