Regular readers know that I like my scotch. Ardbeg An Oa and Oban 14 are my two standard go-tos. On a typical day, I have one to three generous pours, either over a single ice cube or neat, with a splash (really a drop) of water, depending on my mood. In a typical week, I have somewhere between ten and twenty such generous pours. I rarely miss a day. Once or twice a month, I drink four or five drinks, if I’m out late.
My dependence on alcohol, such as it is, is slightly physical: at 5 pm, or really, around 4, I start to feel a bodily hunger for scotch. I experience it in two primary ways: first, foremost, as a taste for the taste: I begin to crave the tangy, smoky feel of the golden liquid on my tongue, in my throat. And second, I start to experience a slight… tightening… in my chest. This is not too far from the way nicotine cravings manifest (though I’m off cigarettes for just over a month now), but the nicotine tightening is sharper, more acute; the alcohol tightening is slower, gentler, kinder.
Once a year, for the last several years, I’ve taken one month off drinking – typically either July or August. I like the summer months because they feature less work, more leisure, more family. And, because, left to my own devices, I would drink more in these months, what with the diminished demands on my time and the greater discretion I enjoy. Last year was the first year that I did my “dry July” with the added benefit of a medical marijuana prescription. I live in a state where recreational marijuana is notionally legal, but practically, not so much. (There’s not yet a mechanism to buy it legally.) Last summer, as I abstained from alcohol, I partook – occasionally – of 2.5-5 mg of THC tincture. Rarely enough to make me feel high; just enough to “take the edge off,” as they say.
With the benefit of hindsight, and a lot more experience with medical marijuana, I can say that 5 mg does, generally, make me high. I didn’t think it did last summer, but it does.
Now. The other day, I had an expanse of time to do with as I please (a rarity in my life), and no real obligations on the other side of that expanse. And, I thought, “I’m gonna get really high.” When I was a teenager and into my 20s, I enjoyed getting really high, but adulthood shifted that, and all my experiences of getting really high as an adult have had me getting too high (weed isn’t what it once was). And too high is not that much fun.
I took a solid 10 mg of tincture on this day, and I went about my afternoon. I did some writing. I went to the gym. I meditated.
That’s about it.
As I meditated, I sank deeper down into my cushion than usual. My breath was slower, deeper, more relaxed, than usual. And my thoughts were more… well, I did more thinking than I usually do when I meditate. Normally, I don’t chase my thoughts when I meditate; rather, I observe them. Or at least, I strive to observe them. On this occasion, chasing them is what I did.
I don’t know how it began, but I started chasing fantasies. First, I thought about my core fantasy – an army of women to suck my cock, for me to go down on. And then? This is where it got fun. I started riffing on that fantasy, like a jazz musician, riffing on a melody. After the meditation – and for an hour or so continuing – I jotted down notes to myself, trying to capture all the images that had passed through my head. Each, honestly, could be its own blog post. Each may well be, at some point…. For now, though, just the list (many items on which will make no sense to anyone other than me; a few of which make no sense to me; and several of which, I’ve written about on here before, but thought it might be fun to revisit):
Strip club designed for me (see here for early writing on this)
Brothel designed for me
Epstein/Maxwell (V? Sofia? T? CC? Employee? Hired from SA) (see here for earlier writing on this)
Gina* (never written about before)
The professor (never written about before)
Rework my CMF
Restaurants with menus
The essentiality of mutual desire and hunger
The function of money in my fantasy, in my runner up fantasy
A selection – high numbers vs low? Good odds vs bad?
Binders of women
Interviews by my sub (voice tests, reports, dates, photos)
Honestly, this all could be a roadmap to months of content here. If I’m lucky, if you’re lucky, maybe I’ll write some of that….