Melanie is unlike any woman I’ve ever interacted with since I was in my late teens or early 20s. (She’s in her early 20s.) She’s mostly innocent, with an ambivalent, conflictual relationship with her sexuality that is enticing, alluring, and a little… awkward.
“Stretch with me,” I wrote to Melanie. “Give me good views. Dress as I direct. That’s all.”
She had lied about her location. She had posted very pretty, very honest, pictures of herself. Very quickly, we found ourselves in that zone that I prefer, the one that has caused me, and others, at least some discomfort, where I’m looking for something other than (or in addition to) what’s on offer. Here on SeekingArrangement, a Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby web site, I’m posting for a stretching companion. And, I’m trolling for sexual excitement as well. But I want to imagine those two things are, mostly, separate – that my stretching companion will turn me on during our session, but that whatever else happens, happens. A dual relationship, if you will. Or a purely commercial one…. And it should be said, over the years, I’ve had a number of non-commercial sexual relationships with women I met on SA.
I try to be very clear. I remember my troubled, troubling interaction with the Porcelain Doll, after which several readers (not wrongly) rebuked me for essentially trying to have sex with a sex worker without paying her. That whole interaction was painful for me, and a bit shameful. The Porcelain Doll and I recovered, and are friendly nowadays, no hard feelings. She’ll never have sex with me unless I pay her. I’ll never pay her. So we never will have sex. We’re clear. I had allowed myself to imagine I had “graduated” from “john” to “friend with benefits.” That was selfish, hopeful, and deluded. And pretty radically disrespectful. Four words I just used in an apology I sent to someone else entirely. But that, too, is another post.
Back to Melanie.
I’ve been super clear with Melanie. I offer her $50 to stretch with me for 30 minutes. I also flirt. She’s welcome to confine our relationship to stretching. And/or, she’s welcome to flirt. She’s been ambivalent on this front. Sometimes, she finds herself describing her masturbation outside of our time together; other times, she lets prurient texts from me go unanswered. No worries….
I demand no quid pro quo; I don’t require – or reward – extra-stretching flirting. Nor do I punish its absence. And/but… I see the power dynamics. I understand intuitively that in the normal world, this would, this does constitute sexual harassment. I can say I don’t punish the absence of sex, but I hold the power. So. There’s that. I wish I could make it go away. That’s why I prefer, in many ways, the service of a true submissive: it’s freely given, without the power distortion of money. But right now, I don’t have that, and I’m playing with this.
Melanie and I stretch together – she helps me stretch my muscles; I help her stretch her sexuality. She’s not naturally drawn to older men. She finds me intimidating. My age most definitely does not turn her on. Or, if it does, it does so in a way that confuses her, that she hasn’t experienced before. That both excites and scares her.
I praise her pretty body. I tell her how her ass (big, round, full) motivates me. I praise her breasts (smaller, pert, perky). I tell her how pretty her bright blue eyes are. I compliment her on her changing hair. Guys her age don’t talk this way. I know this. I have the sense I may well be saying nouns and verbs that she’s rarely heard spoken aloud. And never, in relation to her body. Cunt. Pussy. Tits. Ass. Fuck. Lick. Suck. Choke. Bruise. Slide. Ache. And some adjectives she hasn’t heard enough: pretty, hot, sexy. Delicious. Gorgeous. Tasty. Tempting. Irresistible.
Melanie is, just as I am, figuring out what she wants from me. For sure, she wants my fifty dollars. It feels to me as if – and of course, I may be wrong (but I don’t think I am) – it feels to me as if she finds something in what else I have to offer compelling. But what it is, she’s not familiar with. She’s not sure of. And she’s not comfortable with.
Which all is a delicious place for me to stand.
Postscript: her response to this post was, “Wow, I really like it. You actually described what’s been going on with me super well.”
And, she suggested this photo, which she and I both agree doesn’t really look at all like her ass. “But,” she wrote, “I just thought it looked nice.”