“How do you do it with everyone else?” she asked.

“Huh? What do you mean?” I replied.

“Make plans. Have sex with people.”

“I don’t very often.”

At this point, I explained both that it’s been quite a while since I had any regular sex with anyone other than my wife, and that even when I did, the times at which I did were relatively constrained. V and I almost always met at 10:30 or so on weeknights. Or during the day, when we both were able to carve an hour or three out of our schedules.

I met the Amazon a little before lunch time. I met Luna after a fund-raiser, after dinner time. Not quite 10:30, but late.

This is the thing. Because I spent so long absenting myself from my family as much as I did, I have a basic rule to which I hold myself: I don’t miss time with the family to have sex. Sometimes, if I have a work or social event that takes me away from home at dinner or bedtime, I’ll extend my evening to permit the sex. But otherwise? Not so much.

That probably means I miss out on some quality sex. It definitely makes me a frustrating person to have an ongoing thing with. But my loyalties and priorities are, alas, clear. In ways that, for many years, they weren’t so much.


  1. It is surprising how you manage to have us all believe on this blog that you meet countless women for sex every week… And yet you’re now a family man 🙂
    I say good for you, you have your priorities straight.
    Well, easy for me to say, I don’t have an ongoing thing with you 😉

  2. Seems N. and I have a lot in common. Lost out on a lot of adventures because I needed to be with my kids.

    1. Except I don’t construct it that way. I would say, thankfully, it is no longer the case that I’m prepared to sacrifice time with my family for “adventures.”

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