Jun 282013
 

[a post inspired by recent events, about which more anon]

They don’t turn me on. Not pictures of them, or the prospect of attending one.

Many men worry that our desire is so great, so powerful, that it will overwhelm or even kill the women at whom it is directed. I do. And my “trick” for neutralizing that fear is dominance and submission: if you tell me I can have whatever I want, if you show  me I can have whatever I want, and that you want me to have whatever I want – if I see that it gets you wet to give it to me, then I’m good, I feel safe. I don’t worry I’m going to overwhelm you with desire or, alternately, that I’ll be shamed or judged or scorned by you.

But a far more common fantasy/reality handling of this fear is the gangbang: a gangbang presents the possibility of a woman whose desire swamps that of the men, who cannot be overwhelmed by the desires of one measly guy.

It’s not a struggle for me to understand how or why a woman would like a gangbang, whether in fantasy or reality. But it is almost the polar opposite of the way my desire works: I want, I need, to believe that I’m at the absolute center of a woman’s sexual universe, that pleasing me is the most important thing in the world, that I’m the most desirable man in the world (at least, for that particular moment). I’m capable of functioning fine in a relationship which features periodic or frequent reminders that this is a fantasy, but I’m not capable of functioning sexually in a moment in which I don’t feel that.

What’s more, I find the quantum of desire (or willingness) of a woman participating in a gangbang to be more than a little terrifying. Like rather than the danger being of my destroying her, it might go the other way.

I’ve never participated in, or witnessed, a gangbang (other than the odd glimpse of a woman being ravished/ravaged by two or three men at Le Trapeze, or at a sex party or club). But the other night, I did fuck a woman who had been at a 2-woman, 9-man gangbang earlier that day. (I didn’t learn this until after we fucked.)

More on that soon….

  2 Responses to “Gangbangs”

  1. […] posted about gangbangs a few days […]

  2. […] Dissolute Life articulated this fear beautifully in a post explaining his lack of interest in gangbangs (which are just a more extreme version of the MFM threesome): “I find the quantum of desire […]

Say something! (I just did....)