Monogamy

Most people would never have engaged in monogamy if they had never heard monogamy spoken of. Monogamy, Adam Phillips

I would like it if people didn’t describe their relationships as “monogamous” when they mean something quite different.

Does polyamory protect against loss? I think not….

Fidelity, honesty, and commitment among the unfaithful.

Ashley Madison exists because of people’s problematic relationship to monogamy.

Over a year ago, I posted Esther Perel’s first TED Talk, in which she hyped her terrific book, Mating in Captivity. Recently, TED posted a second talk of hers, this one entitled “Rethinking Infidelity.” It’s another great talk, in which…

We have some sacred cows – beliefs that are so sacrosanct that we simply presume everyone shares them. Sometimes it feels like “progress” is the gradual elimination of those sacred cows. (Women’s suffrage, civil rights, marriage equality, rampant agnosticism all…

But not with me. L, you may recall, was the impetus behind this blog. When I first started writing it, she and I were something of an item. That was almost exactly three years ago. In the time since then,…

“We’re getting married. We haven’t set a date yet, but it’s more than a year off. Do you have any advice?” I have lots of advice. For this sexy young bartender, in particular, I’d say: 1) You really really should…

One antonym of monogamy is infidelity. A spouse who is well and truly monogamous is said to be “faithful”; one who steps out, who cheats, is “unfaithful.” These linguistic choices, with their implicit religiosity, elide and obfuscate as much as…