Just for fun, here are some adjectives to describe T:
Brilliant
Quiet
Fragile
Resilient
Unfailingly generous
Harried
Luddite
Idealistic
Furrowed
Volatile
Leggy
Demure
Hot
Opinionated
Slender
Fit
Right
Left
Tired
Gentle
Gentile
Swimming
Quick
Clever
Funny
Courageous
Independent
Worried
Concerned
Selfless
You can never know T. Even among those who meet her, she is somewhat enigmatic, often coming off as a bit aloof or cold, initially (where I typically come off as affable, likeable, voluble). Her first impressions are a function of her delicacy, her reticence. Those who stick around, who get to know her, learn – slowly – that her delicacy is the flip side of a remarkably strong interior, that her reticence once pierced yields to a truly exquisite openness and vulnerability.
I’m sorry you can’t know her, and unspeakably grateful I do.
I realy wanted to read the whole thing before I commented…mainly because, from the perspective of a wife of a sex addict, I toally get what you are saying…and I wanted to “get” it as a package, not a piece. If I had cme across your blog a year ago I probably wuld have written it off saying that you’re delusional and full of crap…I can see though, because of where MD and I are, how your devotion to T is just as real as your need for more than she can give you. The cool thing is that you guys are working it out so that’s its not about either of you not being good enough for the other and the shame that can cause. You’ve accepted who you are to each other and moved into a place of growth from that point, no blame or finger wagging…very cool. MD and I also are finding our way over the past and preconceptions/misconceptions blah blah blah…lol I will say this…you are lucky to have her. We are not all so inteligent, strong. Loyal or compasionate
It’s funny – something I say often in real life, I think I managed not to say in this three-part paean to my wife: I am the luckiest man in the world. I have no doubt about that. I know, and thank my lucky stars every day for, how lucky I am – not just for her tolerance and patience and forgiveness, but for her courage and openness, too.
Yes.
And on the “not being good enough,” yeah, that’s a trap – I am who I am, and there are things I’m really fucking good at (cunnilingus, not cumming til I’m good and ready) and things I’m less good at (fucking hard – though I’m getting better, and giving up enough control to just cum in the moment, WITHOUT exercising control, being taller than I am). T has been incredibly generous at accepting the whole package. And it’s been helpful to realize that there are tall guys other than me who can fuck her hard and cum with abandon. 😉
Flattering list of adjectives, but the control-freak-obsessive-compulsive in me wishes you would have alphabetized the entries. Just sayin’.
Then I would have communicated something different about me, and about how I think of her.