Pending projects with Marina

Here’s a thing I enjoy about Marina: she is just game for anything. I haven’t heard her, yet, say, “No! I don’t want to do that!” Quite the opposite. Most anything I suggest, she’s up for.

She’s been out of town, traveling for a while. I’m missing her. But I thought I’d make a little list of projects that either are underway or incipient, just to remind myself of the fun that awaits when she returns:

  1. The “friends” project. Marina has a bunch of friends to whom she’s “introducing” me. I have some ideas for ways they can make Marina’s and my time together hotter. They may have some ideas, too. I’m interested in learning where that goes.
  2. Remote controlled vibrations. Marina has this wearable vibrator. I have the app that controls it on my phone. We only started exploring it an hour before she left on her journey, but I very much like the idea of being able to initiate sensations in her cunt from a distance. Perhaps even unannounced. 😉 The app and the vibrator have some limitations: sessions, for example, are limited to 90 minutes. I can’t just connect to the vibrator in the morning, and have her wear it all day, and just “pop in” from time to time, when I like. And it seems that sessions get interrupted a little more easily than either of us might prefer. If she makes a wrong move (and who doesn’t, when their clit’s getting vibrated?), my connection might go sideways, and we then are in the very not hot zone of trying to make a remote connection work again.
  3. Recruitment. I always long for a woman to find me a woman. I’ve written just a little about some of the appeal of this, but my words don’t do justice for the magnitude of the appeal it holds for me. I have the sense – particularly given the current moment – that this simply may not work out. But I’m convinced it will be fun to try. As things stand? Marina made a prototype OKCupid profile. I edited it a bit. We have a long way to go, I’m afraid, but, as I said, it will be fun.
  4. Five days. Marina proposed, some time ago, that she grant me ownership of her cunt for discrete periods of time. Twenty-four hours. Forty-eight hours. Five days. And seven days. The first two of those periods are under our collective belt. The last two (in what I hope is only the first round of this exercise) remain. “Five days” is scheduled. I’ve begun giving some thought to what I want it to look like, to what I want to take from her, to what I want to give to her, in that five days.
  5. Marina’s e-mail. Marina’s e-mail is, currently, a forest of requests. I’ve given her requests that range in duration from just a few seconds to 90 minutes or more. Each request is preceded with 10 or so repetitions of “Your cunt belongs to me,” so as to prevent Gmail from showing her snippets of the request that follows. When Marina has a few moments, she can dip into her e-mail, pick a task by the combination of its duration and the one-, two- or three-word hint I’ve put in the subject line. One recent example? “5 minutes – pick a song,” in which I asked her to send me a link to a song, and then, as that song played, to strip for me. Another? “45 minutes – inspiration,” in which I directed her to this page, and asked her to duplicate each pair, or sequence, of shots – and, to come for me after each fifth pair/sequence. And a third example: “10 seconds – tease,” in which I asked her simply to show me as she touched her pussy for me through whatever she was wearing.

    There’s more in Marina’s e-mail than she’s likely to complete any day soon. I put a couple of easy ones in there for her to do on her trip, too, but – unfortunately – I think I’m unlikely to get them. [That’s a subject for another post.]

There is more fun awaiting us. This page here, though, is a sort of a placeholder, a transitional object, if you will – to help me remember the fun we were having, and anticipate the fun that awaits us.

And, through it all, I am, for better or worse, embarked on something of a “safety project” with Marina. Dominant though I may be, confident though I may be – I fear abandonment. It’s not, honestly, that I fear loss. Loss, I can handle. It’s catastrophic abandonment and what I imagine to be inevitable annihilation that I fear more than anything. Marina is a fascinating partner in exploring this. There’s something about our respective relationships to abandonment and trauma and desire that makes us fit together in a particular sort of hand-in-glove kind of way. I’m interested in working through with Marina how she can make me feel safer, how I can feel safer with her – and, of course, how she can feel safe with me. And, I want all that to take up less of the oxygen in our relationship in general.

The truth is, she’s been doing this, diligently, since the very start of our interactions. But there are some discrete, concrete things I want to think through, and maybe change. It’s a bit of a truism that risk and safety both are essential for arousal; and that each, if too present, extinguishes arousal. I am a bit of a safety surfer, and Marina and I have been surfing some pretty big waves together. I’m hopeful we can take a nice break on shore some time soon.

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