Asking for sex

Andrea’s Tinder profile warns, incongruously, given her (very sexy) pictures, “Don’t ask me for sex.” I was a little surprised, then, that she and I matched. I wrote:  “Ask for sex? I don’t ‘ask for sex.’ I have sex. I demand sex of a woman who wants to have it with me. But ask for it? What’s that even mean? Makes it sound like something you
have that I want. But l only want it if you do. In which case, you’ll be asking, or even begging, me….”

I was pleased with my opening message to her. I thought it hit all the right notes.

Andrea, evidently, disagreed. She replied:

“You’re fucking disgusting. What person starts off a conversation like that? Piss off.”

To which I, disappointed, replied, “Nice chatting with you.”

I thought that was it. But it wasn’t. She responded, “It wasn’t a chat it was a direct violation of my fucking being. It was horrible opening your message and seeing that. I didn’t ask for it. In fact i specifically asked for the opposite and you knew it but you did it anyway. you say several times that you only blah blah blah if a girl is willing and wants to WELL FUCKING WASN’T [sic] and you violated me and harassed me anyway, rapists do the same thing. Now fuck off you filthy cunt.”


I think regular readers of this blog know that I am not the kind of guy who generally makes unwanted advances. Evidently, in this case, I did. Right now, we’re seeing on the national stage a prime example of how not to respond to charges of sexual assault. Previously, I wrote about how I wished James Deen had responded when he was accused of sexual assault. Here’s hoping I did/am doing a bit better….

I replied, “I’m very sorry for that,” and left it at that. And I am sorry. I certainly didn’t intend to violate her being, directly or indirectly. I didn’t intend to violate her, to harass her, or to do anything that rapists do. I feel terrible that it was horrible for her to open my message.

I’m not sure this little exchange will have any impact on my future behavior, but I am, truly, sorry that I caused her such distress.

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