Does pussy size matter?

I haven’t read much of “Exhibit Unadorned,” a fellow male blogger referred to me by the lovely Horny Geek Girl. I feel I’ve seen his blog once or twice, and may well even have commented or written about him, but somehow, never dug particularly deep. This morning, I found myself reading a bit of what he’s written, and found a recent post –  inspired by my friend Hy’s determined preference for “hung” men – musing on the size of women’s pussies, on how loose/tight they are, on whether it’s possible even to discuss the question, and on how men think about it. (Hy’s recent post on the subject was awesome.)

The tl;dr version of Exhibit Unadorned’s answer is: “vagina tightness” doesn’t matter, it’s not a thing, not for him, not for other guys.

This is not my experience. Either as regards myself, or as regards other guys.

Of course, I should preface anything I say with this: I fucking love pussy. At the beginning of the day, in the middle of the day, and at the end of the day, I’ve never met a pussy I didn’t love.

That said….

EU writes, correctly, I think, that “the way men talk about cunts is far more toxic – and laced with misogyny. It’s also rooted in a profound fear of female sexual agency, and in the pretty gross belief that virginity has value: abusing women for not being ‘tight enough’ is really just another form of slut-shaming.” But he follows that by saying, “… I have never – literally never – heard guys discussing cunt size when a woman isn’t around.”

Um. I have.

Not often, not in refined company, not in the same way, or with the same alacrity, with which men discuss women’s breasts. But I will say this: men – particularly crude men – often boast about how “tight” a woman is. And, conversely, I’ve heard more than a few men lament that women’s pussies are looser after childbirth. Let me be clear. I’m not saying this. I don’t say this. And I’m not saying it’s true. But I have heard it said. Also, too, listen to men when they talk about anal: what many men (say they) love about anal sex is… how tight it is. (I put “say they” in parentheses because I suspect there’s a lot more going on than simply physical sensation, but it is a factor, to be sure.)

Notwithstanding the disclaimer I wrote above, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice “tightness” or “looseness” as a feature of a woman’s pussy. I do. It’s one among many characteristics I notice. But it is, definitely, one. And, as a man whose cock is on the smaller side, it’s a characteristic that matters, when fucking. Not dispositively. Not even mind-changingly, at the margins. But it does have an impact.

How could this not be so? Just as Hy wrote, in the post of hers that got this all started, “I don’t know if I have some giant hallway-sized pussy or something, all I know is that my intense wetness creates a severe loss of sensation for me, so unless his cock is big, I’m not feeling him.” Well, if Hy’s not feeling him, isn’t it safe to assume that he’s not feeling her?

EU writes – and I agree, for the most part – except for the “noticing” part:

“There is certainly no correlation whatsoever between tightness and sexual performance, nor has it ever had a material impact on my enjoyment of a particular partner’s body. 95% of the time, I’m not sure I even notice either way. The preference for bigger dicks obviously has an aesthetic element for a lot of people, but cunt size only really becomes apparent during penetration, whether with fingers or cock. At that point, there’s generally too much good stuff going on for minute differences in tightness to cross my radar, and I’m much more likely to get excited by how wet my partner is, or how good her skin feels pressed against mine, than I am to worry about whether she’s squeezing me as hard as the last woman I fucked.”

And/but, I would add, he conflates noticing with comparing. These are two very different things. The chances that I’ll “worry about whether she’s squeezing me as hard as the last woman I fucked” are close to zero. But the chances that I’ll, at some point, think, “FUCK – she’s tight – that feels nice,” or, “OOOH – I’m sliding around a little in there – I’ll readjust my position to give me more friction” are actually not that small.

So I’m not saying he’s wrong, or that I disagree, entirely. I’m just offering a little perspective. Incidentally – I suspect that we men are more prone to care more about women’s “tightness” in direct proportion to our small-ness. Just a thought….