There are doms who derive pleasure from bending subs to their will. (And there are submissives who derive pleasure from being so “bent,” from traveling a distance to their doms’ desires, from being compelled to travel that distance by their doms, whether by brute force, or by contract, or by desire alone.)
This seems an appealing configuration to me – one of strength on the part of the dom, and of true submission on the part of the sub.
It is, though, not how I’m wired.
A couple of weeks ago, in “Weak Women,” I wrote:
“what’s hot to me isn’t simply submission – it’s the distance between what a woman is like when she’s not submitting and how comprehensively she submits to me. The bratty sub doesn’t do it for me because she doesn’t submit completely. And a vapid sub wouldn’t be interesting because, well, because her submission to me wouldn’t be a gift, it would be something I would take effortlessly.
No, what makes submission so fucking hot is when it is given, freely, completely, by a woman who could kick my ass.”
But there’s more to it.
“Dominance” and “submission” may well not be the right words to describe what I want to do, what I want done for me. Sometimes I think that rather than being dominant, what I am is infantile: I simply want my way. And, like an infant, I want to be the center of the universe. I want what I want, and I want you to want it too.
I don’t want you to submit to me, because submitting implies there’s some self to which, were you true, would have you do otherwise.
I don’t want to bend you to my will; I want your will to curl into, under mine, like shrink-wrap. I want there to be no distance between them. By definition.
“Submission” suggests traversing the distance between two people’s wills. What I crave is sheer, perfect, utter harmony, even unity.