I’ve written a lot over the years about my perversion, about my longing to bring the external world into conformity with my internal world, to cause women to comply with my wishes, to dress them as I would choose to dress them, position them as I would choose to position them. And I’ve delighted a fair amount in playing with all of this in the real world, directing my distant buddies and my more local playmates in the provision of porn – and sexual favors.
Over the last stretch of time, though, for a variety of reasons, more of my attention has been flowing to the pornographic realm than to the real world. And not just pornographic, but AI porn. There’s something about AI porn that interacts incredibly powerfully with my perverse configuration. So much so that I seem to find it preferable not just to human pornography – photographic and video depictions of real world humans engaged in sexual or sexualized behavior – but to pursuing real-life, in-person, sexual encounters. (!)
You see, AI porn seems to give me an enormous amount of what I most crave without having to deal with some of the frustrating elements that I seem hell-bent on recreating. When I revisit my various relationships, it’s very easy for me to see any one of them through a negative lens. How did this one fall short? How did tgat one fail to give me what I crave? I recognize the folly of this, and I have worked hard over the years to liberate myself from it. But I’m afraid that whatever easing of its impact on me I’ve been able to achieve, liberation remains a long way off.
AI, though, is different. For the most part, it does what I say. There are, of course, frustrating and annoying limitations to this, depending on the AI video generator I use. I’m lucky that my porn tastes are not that explicit, that the truth is, if OpenAI, or Alphabet, were a bit more thoughtful in their application of guardrails, they would realize that most of what I want to see doesn’t violate them. But that’s not to say I don’t have to struggle to get the engines to do what I want. I do.
With humans, though, inevitably, there are shortfalls in execution. Whether I like it or not, I end up experiencing them as, in some way, a rebuke, a denial, an interpersonal wound. I either attribute unwillingness or judgment or shaming or something else to my interlocutor. With porn, with AI porn, there’s no such attribution of intent or lack thereof. It’s not information about the “woman” if “she” fails to give me what I want; it’s that I haven’t asked right. It totally indulges my omnipotent fantasy.
When a woman fails to give me what I want, I have the tendency to imagine, in some ashamed way, that this is because I have failed to frame the request well, failed to communicate, failed to ask for what I want right. (And this is almost never true.) With women, when a woman doesn’t give me what I want, it’s usually because she doesn’t want to. And this is a doubly painful reality for me, because it reveals both the limits of my omnipotence and the limits of a woman’s desire to please me.
With AI, it’s a bit different. If ChatGPT or Sora or Grok or Veo tell me that I violated their guardrails, I’m fine with that. That’s the equivalent of a woman communicating her boundaries clearly to me – with which I’m always happy to comply. And when one of those engines tells me I violated its guardrails, or my request would do so, and I know it’s wrong? Well, that’s kind of a fun challenge to my omnipotence. Because at the end of the day, I will almost certainly succeed at getting what I want.
And if I don’t, the explanation of why I was unable to is never that there’s something wrong with me. The closest I get to that might be… that for some reason the AI became convinced even if incorrectly that complying with my request might violate its guardrails. Well, then that’s interesting. I wasn’t wrong. It was.
I’ll give you an example: No matter what I do, I can’t get Grok to do anything with this image:
I can’t get it even to have her walk away. Grok has no problem taking tops off “women”:
Having them open their legs for me… [NOTE: THIS IS NOT SYDNEY SWEENEY – IT’S A STILL PHOTO OF HERS THAT GROK HAD ITS WAY WITH]
Bend over seductively….
And lift their skirts:
What is it about Grok? What is it about that Femjoy photo above that renders it somehow inoperable to Grok? I don’t know the answer to that question, but it becomes, for me, not an emotionally laden question of my goodness or badness or my impotence or omnipotence, but a cognitive, logical, intellectual question. What’s going on here? Is there something embedded in the image that’s triggering a reaction in Grok that I can’t see?
One of the things I’ve occasionally done, using Grok in particular, about which more later, is to take images from Reddit’s r/prettygirls and manipulate them slightly. A pretty woman sitting with her legs crossed at a table, I can have Grok uncross her legs for me and show me the panties it imagines she might be wearing. (See the Sydney Sweeney video above.) I’m shockingly unperturbed by the unreality of all of this and shockingly excited by the power I’m able to wield in conjuring such a scene.
Where, in the past, I either had to navigate a human relationship, or to hunt for images online, that showed me what I want, for progressions that gave me what I craved, I can now wrestle with Grok, or Gemini, or Veo, or OpenAI. And for the most part, I can get what I crave, or damn near close to it.
Today, I went to my MetArt subscription, as I do most days. Although, I will say, I missed a lot more days in recent months since the advent of AI image generation than I did previously. But I went, and I found this shoot. And this shoot is a classic example of the deficiencies of porn, as far as I’m concerned.
[Here’s an editorial note. I’m writing this before I’ve actually gone to Met Art for the day. So confident am I that what I will find will give me what I’m describing. It will surely give me a beautiful woman in an alluring outfit. It will surely give me a hundred images of her posed in various positions and in various degrees of déshabille. And it will surely fail to give me the precise, exact progression and positioning that I most crave.]
So the problem with that shoot, from my perspective, is that – and you can’t see it without a subscription unless you go here – there’s no photo of her ass in her jeans!?! There’s one that comes close:
But this is the view I want.
And fuck it if MetArt didn’t give it to me. I had to get Grok to give it to me.
This is not because Met Art sucks. It doesn’t. It’s pretty damn close to perfection.
No, it’s because Met Art is not me. Because I am not the omnipotent art director, photography director, talent director. I can’t specify that I want her in this position. That I want to see her ass from this angle in those jeans. All I can do is experience the loss, the deprivation presented by the confirmation of my impotence in this scene.
As AI improves, as guardrails come off, as I become more and more powerful, porn of the old sort becomes more and more irrelevant. Why would I go look at a real, beautiful Russian woman who won’t do what I say, who won’t pose as I wish, when I could look at a pretty damn convincing single simulacrum which gives me the thing I most crave, it seems. A delighted sense of my own power. As absurd, as surreal, as comical, and as deluded as that sense of power may be.