Bittersweet Sadness About Serena


The quality of sadness I’m feeling about Serena is, if not unfamiliar, at least very unusual for me. It’s only got a hint of my usual desperation. A hint of my usual terror.

As I sat across from Serena, with tears in my eyes, as I realized that our relationship really is almost certainly coming to an end, I did far less of the desperate scheming, trying to reconfigure reality in my mind somehow, to permit a continuation of something, no matter how small. Of course that’s there. Of course. I still fantasize that there’s some way that we can salvage something, or that time will change. The configuration of her feelings to permit space for me in her life.

But mostly what I feel is an aching, painful, and yet somehow sweet sadness.

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