Sex and death (2)

I’ve written about it before, recently, a while ago, and long ago.

There’s a direct relationship between my general sense of vitality, of alive-ness, and the sensations in my cock. When I’m most in touch with my feelings, I can see that there’s a whole realm of my sexual activity and sexual desire that flows from a sense of dead-ness, deep within me. It’s a desperate desire to counter that sense of dead-ness with a sense of alive-ness that begins in my cock, and radiates through my body as my cock tingles, and grows hard.

Orgasms aren’t necessary for this. They may even be counterproductive. Orgasm is, some say, the closest we come to death during life. In French, a very common word for orgasm – “la petite mort” – means, literally, “the little death.”

But erections – the sense of urgency, hunger, demand, of blood flowing, of my body’s acting in a way that’s not willed, but is, instead, experienced – they represent in a profound sense what it is to feel alive.

At times, my sexual desire flows not from this sense of dead-ness, but from a sense of alive-ness, from a genuine hunger not simply for stimulation, but for connection.

But other times, connection is almost irrelevant. All I want is to be hard.


P.S. Hat tip to Dawn, for correcting my French not once but twice. It seems that, in my first attempt, the phrase I used for “la petite mort” – “le petit mort” – means “the little dead man.” And my second attempt, “la petite morte” meant, predictably, the little dead woman. Thanks, Dawn, for sticking with me and fixing my French. Believe it or not, I once was pretty damned close to fluent. Nowadays, I say shit like “the little dead man” when I mean “orgasm.”

One comment

  1. I am very different. I have tried a few times now, and I realise that when there is no connection, the sex just isn’t satisfying to me. There may be arousal, there probably will be orgasms (my body is now too wired to let go), but there won’t be satisfaction.
    I guess what makes *me* feel alive is this connection, not how my body responds 🙂

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