There was a time when I thought that I was hard-wired to push any woman away, to demand so much that a woman inevitably would run for the hills. And I think I was, pursuing women who would respond to my wants, to my needs, with revulsion – the same revulsion I suspect I felt deep down – and who would, as a result, inevitably reject me.

Lately, I’ve been entertaining a different construction: what I crave isn’t (any longer) that final act of abandonment, but instead, an infinitude of acts, demonstrations, of acceptance, compliance, loyalty.

And – lucky me – from time to time, that is available.

N.B. Nothing is available forever. A wise man once said that even/especially the most pleasant things cause suffering, in our wish that they never end.



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