A final note on monogamy

In my recent posts on safer sex and monogamy, I struck some nerves, and was less than my best self.

I’m sorry.

I think I was both insensitive to how my words would be read, and to how the words of commenters – and, in particular, Dumb Domme, were offered. This was my error. I’m incredibly appreciative of the honor you show me by reading my words, and of the greater honor you show by taking the time and exerting the effort to engage with them intellectually. I have no right to be disparaging, or disrespectful, and I’m sorry that I was. It’s a testament to my own blindness in this area that I genuinely don’t see myself as having been, but because I have been reported by people I respect to have either offended them, or to have been offensive, I know that an apology is in order. So I’m sorry. And I’m working to get better at seeing, in advance, when I’m headed over that particular cliff, so I can avoid it altogether.

A couple of basic, final, summary points about what I wrote, and about how it was received:

I think monogamy is tremendous. I have nothing against it, and don’t think (as many in the poly/swinger communities do) that it’s in some way an inferior form of relationship configuration. I simply think it’s difficult, and that many who purport to practice it do so in blithe ignorance of just how difficult it is for others. Including their partners. This is not in any way to cast aspersions on monogamy generally, or on your practice of it.


With regard to relative levels of risk, I have no idea where risks lie, where they don’t. I was attempting to point to some that I think we overvalue, and some that I think we undervalue. I didn’t imagine I was saying anything particularly controversial, but I was wrong. I’m going to work on a somewhat more analytical, less “pulling numbers out of my ass” approach to all this in the coming days, I think. But don’t hold me to that.

In any event:

This is a quiet, lovely week, between Christmas and New Year. I hope you’re all enjoying it safely, warmly, and with as much love as you can tolerate.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.