Desperation, neediness, and sure things

“You know that look a woman gets in her eyes when she wants sex?  Me neither.” – Steve Martin

“Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement” – Jack Morin, Ph.D. (that’s how he lists his name in his books – but it makes me giggle) wrote that excellent equation in The Erotic Mind, and I like it.

Morin’s equation applies to me, for sure. I do know the look Steve Martin doesn’t know, but if it’s too pronounced, if the woman wants sex, wants me, too much, then there’s no excitement.

I envy those who are excited by logistical obstacles – like those for whom public sex provides enough excitement for them, or role plays, or whatever.

For me, the obstacles that are most exciting are, tragically, correlated with unwillingness to have sex with me. Not always, not perfectly, but it is true that once a woman becomes too much of a sure thing, I start to find her desperate, or needy, and that turns me off.

I’m like Groucho Marx in this way, only more tragic.


  1. I know you didn’t mean it to, actually I think you did, but this cracks me up.

    Sorry, meant Oh, poor baby 🙂

  2. When? When are you going to fuck me?

    Talkin, talkin, I don’t see no walkin.

    Love your stuff dude. And you never crack me up. You always intensely intensify me.

    1. So when shall we two meet? 😉

      You should read what I’ve written about my sluttiness, if you haven’t. I’m by no means a sure thing, either.

  3. There’s an excitement in seduction. Whatever the purpose…even if it is just to get that look that says you’ve changed their mind and they want you. It’s a victory of sorts. And I love to win!!

    I am honestly turned off by those who come at me from the get go with that look in their eyes. Like you, I equate it with neediness, desperation…and that smacks of weakness. I am attracted to strength. So desperation doesn’t work for me. A man or a woman who knows what they have to offer and stands on equal ground with me, who I have to engage and seduce….that’s much more interesting indeed!

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