Right after you see this post, you’ll see a post I wrote about and to Maxie in the wake of her — well, let me explain.
Maxie and I have a funny relationship. It began well over a decade ago when, if I recall correctly, we matched on OkCupid or Tinder. We quickly established that we had a lot in common, including one close friend. We dated for a while back then, I wrote about her, and then I don’t recall how things came to a close, but they did.
Fast forward a decade, and Maxie reached out to me. We got together a few times, we had some playful conversations that were flirty and interesting, and we did so under a structure that quite explicitly contemplated her sucking my cock. That is to say, I gave her something she valued in our meetings — in the way of my thoughts and my words — on the expectation, explicitly established, that cock sucking would follow.
Around the time that the cock sucking would naturally be expected to have happened, Maxie ghosted.
I don’t begrudge Maxie the right not to suck my cock. I’m a big fan of enthusiastic, continuing consent. And it’s only playfully that I assert that she owes me a blowjob. What shocked me, though — and it really does shock me — is the ghosting.
I don’t understand ghosting generally. But when I’m able to wrap my head around it at all, my ability to do so depends on two things: A, the youth of the ghost, and B, the distance of the ghost from any sense of social obligation or connection extending beyond the interactions we’re having. Maxie features neither of these characteristics. She’s my age, not a child, and we live a close distance from one another. She works with a childhood friend of mine, and we share a mutual good friend. In that context — when there are multiple connections, and we’re not just quasi-fictional or fantastical characters in one another’s lives, but actual participants in one another’s extended social universes — I just don’t get ghosting.
However, she ghosted me.
I’m more surprised and shocked than hurt. Although I’m of course capable of being hurt by being ghosted by anyone, and I was mildly hurt. Mostly, though, I thought this was a funny post that I wrote when this all happened. I don’t remember if I shared it with her privately, but here it is publicly.
Enjoy.