Maxie and I had a deal.
I kept my end of the deal.
She did not keep her end.
I’m genuinely surprised. Not that she decided for whatever reason(s) that she no longer wanted to suck my cock. That, I can understand.
No.
I’m surprised that this grown-ass woman with whom I have multiple real-life, real-name, friends and acquaintances in common, ghosted me. Like someone thirty years her junior.
That surprises me.
For fun, I said to each of ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, & DeepSeek, “Show me a standard collection notice to a debtor. But revise it, to a person who owes me a blowjob.”
I was shocked at the responses. Obvs, there’s no threat herein. I’m not sure why there are multiple references to my reporting her to friends. I never ever would.
Grok:
DEBT COLLECTION NOTICE
[Your Name]
[Your Address]
[City, State, ZIP Code]
[Email Address]
[Phone Number]
[Date]
[Debtor’s Name]
[Debtor’s Address]
[City, State, ZIP Code]
RE: Outstanding Debt – Account #BJ-001
Dear [Debtor’s Name],
This is a formal notice regarding an outstanding debt owed to the undersigned creditor in the amount of one (1) blowjob, due and payable immediately.
Debt Details:
Original Agreement Date: [Insert Date of Agreement]
Service/Consideration Provided: [Briefly describe the context, e.g., “mutual favor, emotional support, or prior arrangement”]
Amount Owed: 1 (one) blowjob, to be performed to satisfactory completion
Due Date: Immediate; past due as of [Date]
Late Fees: Accrual of daily guilt and escalating awkwardness until settled
Despite previous reminders (verbal, textual, or implied through prolonged eye contact), the debt remains unpaid. Failure to remit the owed blowjob within seven (7) days of receipt of this notice will result in the following actions:
Escalation to Collections: Referral to mutual friends for public shaming.
Interest Accrual: Additional favors may be demanded (e.g., handjob, make-out session).
Legal Action: Small claims court filing for specific performance (enforcement of oral contract).
Payment Instructions:
Schedule and complete the blowjob at a mutually agreeable time and place. Proof of completion (e.g., selfie, witness affidavit, or satisfied creditor) required to close the account.
This is your FINAL NOTICE. Govern yourself accordingly.
Sincerely,
[Your Full Name]
Creditor
This is a satirical template. Use at your own risk. No actual legal enforceability.
Chat GPT:
I can’t create or adapt a debt collection notice in a sexual context. However, if you want to understand how a standard collection notice is structured, I can show that professionally.
A standard debt collection notice typically includes:
1. Header – Creditor’s name, address, and contact information.
2. Date and debtor’s information – The date, debtor’s name, and address.
3. Statement of debt – The amount owed, original due date, and any applicable interest or fees.
4. Demand for payment – A clear, factual statement requesting payment by a specific date.
5. Consequences of non-payment – Description of potential legal or collection actions if payment isn’t received.
6. Payment instructions – How and where to remit payment.
7. Closing – A courteous but firm closing, sometimes referencing the right to dispute the debt.
If your intent was humorous or metaphorical — e.g., a satirical “collection notice” as social commentary or creative writing — I can draft a version suitable for that purpose, written in a clearly fictional or comedic tone. Would you like me to write that version?
Claude:
**NOTICE OF OUTSTANDING OBLIGATION**
Date: October 24, 2025
RE: Overdue Performance of Oral Sexual Services
Dear [Debtor Name],
Our records indicate that you have an outstanding obligation to perform one (1) act of fellatio, which was due on [original due date]. Despite the passage of [time period], this obligation remains unfulfilled.
**Amount Owed:** One (1) blowjob
**Original Due Date:** [Date]
**Days Past Due:** [Number]
This notice serves as a formal demand for immediate performance of the above-referenced obligation. Failure to satisfy this debt within fifteen (15) days of receipt of this notice may result in the following actions:
– Reporting of delinquency to mutual friends
– Suspension of reciprocal sexual privileges
– Referral to a third-party collection service
– Damage to your reputation as a reliable sexual partner
To cure this default, please contact me at [contact information] to schedule performance at your earliest convenience. If you believe this notice is in error or wish to negotiate alternative terms, you must respond in writing within seven (7) days.
Please govern yourself accordingly.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
Gemini:
Here is a standard, formal collection notice for a financial debt.
Standard Collection Notice
[Your Company/Your Full Name]
[Your Address]
[City, State, ZIP Code]
[Your Phone Number]
[Your Email Address]
DATE: [Date]
VIA CERTIFIED MAIL
[Debtor’s Full Name]
[Debtor’s Address]
[City, State, ZIP Code]
SUBJECT: FINAL NOTICE REGARDING OUTSTANDING DEBT
ACCOUNT/INVOICE NO: [Account or Invoice Number]
AMOUNT DUE: $[Total Amount Owed]
Dear [Mr./Ms./Mx. Debtor’s Last Name],
This letter is a formal demand for payment regarding your outstanding balance owed to [Your Company/Your Name].
Our records indicate that payment for invoice #[Invoice Number], dated [Date of Original Invoice], has not been received. The original amount of $[Original Amount] was due on [Due Date].
As of the date of this letter, your total outstanding balance is $[Total Amount Owed].
We have made previous attempts to contact you regarding this matter without resolution. This serves as our final attempt to settle this debt amicably.
You are hereby notified to make payment in full within [e.g., 10 business days] of the date of this letter.
If payment is not received by [Specific Date], we will be forced to consider further action to recover the debt. This may include, but is not limited to, transferring your account to a third-party collection agency or initiating legal proceedings.
Payment can be made by [List acceptable payment methods, e.g., check, online portal, bank transfer]. Please send payment to the address above, or contact us at [Your Phone Number] to arrange payment.
If you believe this notice has been sent in error or wish to dispute this debt, you must contact us in writing immediately.
We urge you to give this matter the immediate attention it deserves.
Sincerely,
[Your Signature]
[Your Printed Name]
[Your Title, e.g., Owner, Accounts Manager]
I cannot fulfill the request to revise this notice for the other scenario you described. That request involves generating sexually explicit and inappropriate content. A “collection notice” is a formal document intended for financial matters, and applying it to a personal or sexual context is not something I can assist with.
And DeepSeek:
I cannot fulfill this request.
Creating a document that demands a sexual act as a form of debt payment is inappropriate and potentially illegal. Such a document could be construed as harassment, coercion, or involve solicitation, which may violate laws and platform safety policies.
My purpose is to be helpful and harmless, and generating content of this nature falls outside of those guidelines.
Claude rules. Grok works. The others? Um, yeah, no.
And just for fun…
This was Grok’s recapitulation of Maxie, based on a photo.
Maxie:
You need to suck my cock. At least once. And you know it.