Will you be my friend?

A little more than a year ago, I lamented Google’s “real names” policy. You may recall, or know, that when Google started Google Plus (the nerd circle jerk version of Facebook)*, they required that users use their real names. For a while, my account was suspended for this reason. (Yes, Virginia, “N. Likes” is not my real name.)

Eventually, Google came to the view that pseudonyms are acceptable on Google Plus if they’’ are used more broadly than just on Google Plus. In other words, if you (I) have an online existence using your pseudonym, you may extend that existence to Google Plus. So I’m there, on Google Plus. ‘Cause, you know, I’m on Twitter. And Tumblr. Twice. And here. And OK Cupid. And FetLife. And other places. Occasionally I participate in conversations on Google Plus, and have made a few good acquaintances, if not real friends, over there.

Facebook, I learned the other day, has its own “real names” policy. Apparently, it’s much less flexible than Google’s. My Facebook account – the one I was using to Tinder, and ineffectively promote this blog over there – was suspended because Facebook suspected that N. Likes isn’t my “real name.” I could have my account reinstated, they told me, if I sent them I.D. showing both my face and my name.

As you might imagine, that’s not possible. I don’t have I.D. showing both my face and my name.

So now I’m profile-less, and I expect that means my Tinder-ing days are numbered. (The app seems to continue to work on my phone, but less well. And I suspect the next time I log onto any other Facebook account I might have on my phone, it’ll blow up.) This is sad, because Tinder’s been fun. There’s been the Amazon and Luna – two women I’ve fucked as a result. And a bunch of brief coffee or drink dates ranging from the awful to the titillating. (If you’re one of those people with whom I interacted on Tinder before disappearing, you always can find me here.)

I’m trying again, with a new Facebook profile. I don’t imagine it’ll last long. Not least because here I am, announcing that it exists, and that it’s not established using my real name.

But I’m friendless. Won’t you be my friend?



* Apologies to Google Plus diehards. Sort of.


  1. There is apparently a system to having a fake profile on FB that’s good enough for Tinder. I had to add a bunch of people I don’t know to get mine to work properly. I don’t care since that’s it’s only purpose, but it is annoying.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.