Meditation – the first minute

Ok.

I’m sitting here. I’m not sure if I got my feet in a good position. My ankle feels like it’s pressing against the floor a little hard. Ow. Shit. I should have gotten my position straight before I started the timer. Oh well. It shouldn’t be too bad. Let me start paying attention to my breath now. In breath – out breath. One. In breath – out breath. You know what would be really nice right now? Or honestly, just about any time, but maybe later? A really really good blowjob. Yeah. That would be desire. Back to my breath. In – out. One. I’m not breathing very deeply. In fact, it seems like I’m barely breathing at all. I’ll try to take a deeper breath now. In – out. One. Yeah, a blowjob would be great. I think we need some salami. Also, light bulbs. Shit – I forgot to put up the smoke detector. Again. Thinking about the household, about stuff that I need to do. Feeling like I’m shirking. In – out. One. In – wait a second. My shoulder hurts. Well, it’s not really pain, is it? I mean, I usually think it’s pain, but what is it right now? My cock is twitching. That blowjob is on my mind. I can imagine the sensation so clearly. Oh – shit, did I turn the stove off? I was drying that pan, but I think I may have left the burner on. Shit. Oh  – let me go back to my breath. In – out. One. In – I have an idea for a post. I could write about a typical meditation session, all the thoughts that flow through my head during it. Oops – I’m planning. In – out. One. In – out. I wonder what people will think if they read what I write? Will they think I’m crazy? Deranged? Boring? Narcissistic? Do they understand that I don’t actually think I’m any more interesting than anyone else? I think I wrote about that once, but I really should write a bit more. There’s more to be said. Oh – I’m thinking about writing, and about how I’m perceived. Back to my breathing. In – out. One. Is my foot falling asleep? I can’t tell. I can’t really feel it. I could wiggle my toe. That would tell me if I’ve got the pins and needles happening. But I don’t really want to – I like being still, keeping my foot still, keeping my whole body still. I’m gonna keep my foot still for the entire period. Whoops – that’s self-satisfaction and pride right there. Back to my breath. In – out. One. I’m so much better at this than I used to be. I used to be moving around constantly, fidgeting, indulging my pain, relaxing, easing my discomfort, whatever. Now, I’m much better. Oops – there’s some more self-satisfaction there. Let me go back to my breath. Did I just hear something? What was that? Is someone coming? Shit – I thought I’d picked a good time, but here comes someone. Oh, no. No one’s coming. I can go back to my breath. In – out. One. My stomach just grumbled. I’m hungry. I wonder what we have? Do we have anything good? Shit – I hope there are some pretzels left. I’m hungry, and planning. Back to my breath. In – out. One. But seriously – I am hungry. And I don’t really want a pretzel. What do I want? Oh – hungry. Back to my breath. In – out. One. In – out. DAMN, my shoulder hurts. It’s sharp, now. Stabbing. Shit – I wish it would stop. I never imagined I’d be a person with chronic pain at such a young age. Shit. Hurting. Hurting. In – out. One. In – out. Two. I’m tired. Do I really want to sit here for 20 minutes? That’s a long time. I know I set the timer, but there’s really, honestly, a lot of stuff I should be doing. In – out. One.