Here’s something sad: I’m not attracted to fat chicks. I wish I were. I like a lot of fat people. I have no problem with fat people. It’s just that I’m aesthetically, sexually sensitive to overweight. It doesn’t get my dick hard. It’s actively an impediment to my dick’s getting hard.
I’m not one of those guys who thinks “there’s no such thing as too thin,” by any stretch. If anything, I like a little meat on a woman. But only a little. I’ve written about my type elsewhere on this blog (hint: I like petite, natural women – as I’ve written, I often have the same reaction to height as I describe here to weight).
Why is this sad? I mean, we all have our types, we all have turn-ons and turn-offs. Thankfully, there are people who are turned on by just about every body type under the sun, and I’m past the point in my life where I feel guilty for being attracted to – or not being attracted to – anything or anyone. (I once felt guilty for being attracted to attractive women – I felt it made me “looksist.”) No – I’m old enough to know that what turns me on is what turns me on. I didn’t pick it, and I’m not to blame for it. AND, I can’t resist it.
It’s sad because women of size consistently contact me – they want to get to know me, to be dominated by me, locally, at a distance. They respond to my OKC profile, to my FetLife profile, to my Google+ profile, they e-mail me. Evidently there’s something about the way that I present myself that is particularly appealing to larger women.
Now – I’m happy to correspond with people, whether the correspondence is sexual or otherwise. But to the extent that what someone is looking for is my sexual engagement with them, I really need to be sexually attracted to them. And, unfortunately, I don’t find myself attracted to large women.
I wish it weren’t so, for you and for me. But it is. 🙁
In terms of the women contacting you, it may just be a numbers game. Most American women, and I assume it’s mostly American women contacting you, are overweight. Not necessarily obese, but definitely overweight. So statistically speaking, it’s not that surprising.
I don’t think we ever need to apologize for having physical types. This is one of those areas where I think we want to believe we’ve evolved, but where in fact, we’re still pretty much cavemen. And I mean that both in the sense of personality and genetic imperative :).
Agree. That’s why I pointedly didn’t apologize. My point really is to continue my communication with people. I’ve gotten a spate of communications with people who seemed hopeful of a certain type of interaction with me, one that I simply can’t provide, much as I might like to.
Err. So it’s like a kind of communal “Not tonight Josephine”.?! HAHA Oh you have such troubles! Making me laugh this morning Mr. 🙂
Always glad to amuse. 😉
A tangential question that this post raises is what one means by terms like “petite”. What does tall or short mean to you? How much is “little” meat? What is overweight? Even a seemingly obvious term like “obese” means different things to different people.
I have become accustomed to thinking of myself as short and stocky, because I am the shortest member of a family of women who are all taller than I, and built along thin and flat chested lines. Imagine my surprise when I learned that many people consider me tall, and most think I’m at least above average in height, and that very very few people would ever describe me as stocky.
When I think about what appeals to me, I can’t come up with a “type”. The men to whom I’m attracted sexually seem to be all over the map physically and to be much more alike in non-physical characteristics (like the laundry list in the post to which you link).
I agree with your questions. What does a “little” meat mean?What does petite mean? One of my family members once said if he met a girl as heavy as me he wouldn’t date her. I’m barely 5ft and no more than 115 lbs so yeah. “Fat” means shit.
I don’t think the terms are necessarily wholly useless but they do have to be understood in context. For instance, it helps to prevent misunderstandings to know at the outset when a guy thinks obese means anything over size 8…
Again, I think labels mostly aren’t helpful. I was describing a general fact about my desire: it flows more freely toward smaller women, in a way that’s roughly inversely proportional to their size.
I agree, fwiw. I was perhaps being lazy.
A couple of responses, in order:
1) What do I mean by the terms I use? Well, in general, the smaller a woman is (all other things equal), the more attracted I am to her. So maybe a more accurate way of saying it isn’t “I’m not attracted to fat women,” but “generally, my desire is inversely proportionate to size.” I’m not making some sort of absolute statement (a woman of greater than size X is unappealing to me), but a relative one. That said, once a woman is about 5’8″ tall, and/or departs from some general sense of height/weight proportionality that’s say, a standard deviation from the median, I’m gonna be hard-pressed to muster attraction.
2) Yeah, sure: I mean, what *really* turns me on isn’t a woman’s size, it’s the whole package, including (dominated by) intelligence, humor, etc. And/but, just as I can’t sustain an attraction to a woman who’s dumb as bricks, neither can I to one who’s very large. That’s just how it works for me.
3) I’d love to do a regression on the various traits of partners I’ve seen more than, say, twice. I bet I *do *have a type – that it’s something like a 5’3″, A-B-cup, woman, with an IQ in the 98th percentile or higher, a graduate degree….
Yes, it would be a fascinating exercise for me as well, although I maintain it would be unlikely to produce anything but the most general physical type. Like, um, “male”. 🙂
But the _non-physical_ characteristics would show a clearly defined trend.
I’m a fluffy girl, and I’m not offended by your tastes. To each his own; that’s what makes the world go ’round, right?!
But, I do have this to say… Us chubby girls didn’t get this way by not knowing how to use our mouths… 😉
This is definitely true. And if *all* I wanted were the sensation of a mouth on my cock, you bet – bigger girls definitely are the way to go. Most of the best blowjobs I’ve ever had have been from bigger women.
I’ve never seen a single photo of one of my distant buddies and I like it that way. His words turn me on, the way he describes how much he wants me turns me on, his enthusiasm for me turns me on, the idea of him getting off to my photos turns me on despite the fact that I know he might not be my type. Distant buddy #2 is totally my type ( tall,lean,sweet smile, kind eyes) and I get off to our conversations just as much as I do with distant buddy #1. Maybe don’t focus so much on their pictures? Enjoy the exchange of words?
Meeting in person is obviously different, I wouldn’t encourage you to fuck someone who isn’t your type just for the sake of it.
Whenever I *have* fucked a bigger woman, it’s ended badly. So you’re right. And for me, words alone aren’t enough (although they’re a lot). I need a mental image.
I like myself better as I’ve been shrinking over the past 8 months or so, too. Healthy is sexier than unhealthy, period.
True, dat.