Tinder

Designed by addiction researchers, populated by women whose clits throb at lunch — Tinder may be my dream app.

Off for the weekend. Don’t take my silence personally — I’ll be back, and so will Tinder.

A beautiful woman from Tinder tried to convert me. Not to her bed, sadly, but to astrology.

She’s tall, toned, and joyously kinky — and our date got me thinking about shame, its absence, and why I need it lurking somewhere nearby for sex to mean anything at all.

The Amazon gives me an awesome blowjob – her mouth is like a warm cave of jello, with soft pillows lining the walls.

A brief meeting, a direct question, and an unsurprising disappointment.

A guy with a rule-violating Tinder profile offers unsolicited advice to women about theirs.

My three approaches to swiping on Tinder, from mindless to attentive — none of which, it turns out, makes much difference.

On Tinder, I lead with something vaguely suggestive and slightly funny — and I mean every formulaic word of it.

Poof. She was simply gone from my list. The kids today….