Fantasy

After a year of physical, familial, and domestic disruption, I’m reflecting on my relationship to sexuality, fantasy, aging, AI, and gender in search of renewed creative flow.

I want to consciously allow myself to fantasize about sex, scenarios, and people—regardless of possibility or appropriateness—while reminding myself that imagination does not require action.

I’m trying to give myself permission to fantasize about off-limits women. It’s HARD!

Yesenia has effortless elegance, always-impeccable style. I wonder what she wears beneath. Everyone should only wear things that make them [feel] hot.

I experience connections as deep and real, but they end not in intentional closure but in disappearance. This is my compulsive repetition of courting and failing to avoid abandonment.

I reflect on a conversation with Margot about her unrealized fantasy of double penetration and a gangbang, realizing what excites me isn’t the act itself but the trust she’d place in me to keep her safe while curating such an evening — and the gratitude that might follow.

I can’t have this fantasy – Margot isn’t available unless I pay. So here are three versions of it anyway.

A job description for a submissive assistant role, outlining responsibilities, qualifications, compensation. and the application process.

Gangbangs don’t turn me on. But I’ve been conjuring one for Margot, and I want a very particular seat at it.