Anticipation and certainty

The former is a turn-on. The latter, not so much.

This confuses me, given how much I (tell myself I) value certainty. I want to know that you’ll give me what I want. To know it. And at the same time, if I know it with too much certainty, the excitement that knowledge brings begins to recede. Worse, it begins to rot, to fester, to decay.

Somewhere, there lies an optimal balance between certainty and risk. I need to feel safe, secure, confident, that you’ll give me what I want. But I also need to know there are limits, that danger lurks, if not around the corner, two corners away.

For me, arousal, excitement, depend on a balance being struck between this confidence and that danger.

2 comments

  1. it’s almost like you need a reason to interact with your inner self to find your weakness and perhaps being self explanatory you might feel the need to not want to be bothered by some of your emotions that you are thinking about.

    1. I find that a very confusing sentence. Let me break it down:

      1. I need a reason to interact with my inner self…
      2. To find your weakness (are you saying this is the reason?)…
      3. And perhaps being self explanatory (I have no idea what you mean here)…
      4. You might feel the need…
      5. To not want…
      6. … To be bothered…
      7. By some of your emotions…
      8. … That you are thinking about.

      Phew!

      What I THINK you mean, beneath all the padding, is “I think you feel that if you can understand your ‘weakness’ your emotions won’t bother you.”

      If that’s what you mean….

      Maybe. But I don’t think so. My emotions don’t bother me any more than the weather does. They’re just part of my landscape. I am CURIOUS, and always eager to perceive opportunities to make choices where previously I failed to perceive them. That’s my primary motivation. Beyond the narcissistic ones around being seen/appreciated.

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