Apr 162014

People talk about sex addiction like it’s a thing. Every so often, I offer my opinions – opinions which evolve. Here is where I stand today. First, a couple of objective, indisputable facts: 1) “Sex addiction” is not a psychiatric diagnosis. Nor is any other “behavioral addiction,” such as gambling, overeating, spending, or what have […]

Nov 202013
Thoughts on what feels good (getting vs. having #3,245)

Over the last couple of years, I’ve had two connections – with L and with V – that have been unlike anything previous in my life. (The relationship I had with the Historian was similar, structurally, though it was shorter, less intense, less comprehensive.) These were connections with women who submitted to me gleefully, who […]

Oct 262013

Is “sex addiction” real? This question obsesses many – clinicians, people who experience themselves as being out of control of their sexual behavior, spouses, partners, friends. But what does the question even mean? This isn’t the first time I’m writing about the question, and I don’t know if I have anything new to say, but […]

Sep 232013
Watching “Shame” again – pleasure and joy

When it came out, I saw “Shame” in the theater. I wrote about it, somewhat incoherently (in retrospect). I’m watching it again, now, at home. Last night, I watched the first half of it. It yanked my heart out. Michael Fassbender’s performance as Brandon is brilliant, heart-rending. And it captures so much of what I […]

Sep 162013
Sex scarcity

I read, recently, a discussion of rape in the comments on a blog post (I can’t track down the blog to send you there, but the truth is, neither the post nor the comments were really compelling). But among the commenters was a man who gave extremely inarticulate voice to a familiar sensation. This commenter […]

Aug 142013

If you lack in time management skills, consider hiring an addict to coach you. Addicts are, almost universally, masters. We have to be. To spend as much time as we want, as we need, pursuing our drug/behavior of choice, we develop a facility with multi-tasking, prioritizing, and efficiency most non-addicts can only dream of. At […]

Jun 022013
Rethinking addiction

Heads up. My thoughts about sex addiction are evolving. Close readers of this blog know that I’ve struggled a bit with this question. I have written that, while there’s no such thing as sex addiction, I’m indistinguishable from an addict in my behavior. A couple of things are leading me to rethink things: first and […]

Jun 022013

I’ve written a fair amount about the concept of sex addiction. Is it real? Can one be addicted to sex? What does “recovery” look like? Here are a few of my more substantive posts on the question. (My thinking on this is evolving, and quite rapidly, incidentally – in the coming days I’ll have more […]

Apr 042013

I throw around words in highly specific ways in reference to myself, and in recent days, in a couple of different conversations, I’ve realized that I’m not always clear about what I mean. Without any claim to “correctness” or “accuracy” that extends beyond me, here is what I mean when I use certain words: Compulsion: […]