Ashley Madison exists because of people’s problematic relationship to monogamy.
Over a year ago, I posted Esther Perel’s first TED Talk, in which she hyped her terrific book, Mating in Captivity. Recently, TED posted a second talk of hers, this one entitled “Rethinking Infidelity.” It’s another great talk, in which she declines to demonize anyone or anything, and simply engages, non-judgmentally, compassionately, with a few […]
We have some sacred cows – beliefs that are so sacrosanct that we simply presume everyone shares them. Sometimes it feels like “progress” is the gradual elimination of those sacred cows. (Women’s suffrage, civil rights, marriage equality, rampant agnosticism all feel like “progress” to most of us.) I’m actually mostly agnostic on the question of […]
But not with me. L, you may recall, was the impetus behind this blog. When I first started writing it, she and I were something of an item. That was almost exactly three years ago. In the time since then, our little affair ran its course, but we’ve remained good friends. We typically meet for […]
“We’re getting married. We haven’t set a date yet, but it’s more than a year off. Do you have any advice?” I have lots of advice. For this sexy young bartender, in particular, I’d say: 1) You really really should suck my cock before you stop sucking other guys’ cocks, if you haven’t already. If […]
One antonym of monogamy is infidelity. A spouse who is well and truly monogamous is said to be “faithful”; one who steps out, who cheats, is “unfaithful.” These linguistic choices, with their implicit religiosity, elide and obfuscate as much as they describe and reveal. And much of what they describe and reveal is unintentional. When […]
Monogamy: Because of who you are, I won’t sleep with anyone else. If this involves sacrifice, so be it. Part of what I offer you is the promise that, to the extent I desire others, or other than what you have to offer, I will go without. (N.b., in many relationships, there is an added […]
Monogamous people don’t often have the experience of being rejected by new interests. This is a particularly comfortable, appealing aspect of monogamy, but I’m not convinced it’s “better.” The other night, a hottie from whom I hoped to collect a kiss, maybe more, disappointed me, offering instead that rejection I so fear. Was it me […]
Apparently, I underestimated how people would react if I questioned their monogamy. I won’t make that mistake again.
In which I foolhardily attack other people’s monogamy. And their “monogamy.” By wondering just how many people who think themselves monogamous really are.