Feb 192012
My origin myth–an alternate, and abbreviated, telling

Although we weren’t young when we married, it was as if we were.  We loved each other truly, madly, deeply, and we satisfied the requisite two of the three possible requirements for a satisfying marriage:  we made each other think and made each other laugh.  Although we made each other cum, we did so infrequently, […]

Feb 172012

Liza and I have been trading writing assignments.  I gave her “jealousy,” and she handled it winningly (I recommend reading her thoughts on it).  She gave me “cheating”:  “I’m curious about your history with cheating–only on T, or was it a pattern in relationships? When was the first time it happened, and what did it […]

Feb 152012

Liza sent me a very thoughtful note on the question of sympathetic-ness and authenticity, in which she raised a number of questions – many of which I expect I’ll return to in the coming days.  But for this post, I want to cover a key question she asked that my form of narrative may have […]

Feb 132012

What makes us jealous? For me, it’s invariably the fear that I’ll be jettisoned, whether because of some genuine shortcoming of mine or, more likely, simply because someone else has more, better than I do. But it boils down not just to a fear of loss, of abandonment, but worse: of annihilation, invalidation. It’s not […]

Feb 132012
Money and attention

Lately, I’ve been thinking a bit about how money works, about how it can simultaneously deliver and undermine fantasies. As I’ve written about before, my ultimate fantasy is endless oral sex with endless women.  And I’m a lucky guy – it’s not that infrequent that I have the experience of long blowjobs from two women […]

Feb 122012

I just want you to like me. I’ve written before about the relationship between my desire to be seen, not to be judged, and to be desired and approved affirmatively. I was talking with L about this blog, about my hunger for viewers, for the affirmation that comes with growing viewership, and she said, “The thing […]

Jan 292012

I have known monsters. I have known, and loved, people who have committed egregious offenses against humanity, against any notion of decency. I could tell you stories that would make your blood boil, your spine shudder. But I can’t. There is a mantra in twelve-step programs:  “And what we say here, let it stay here!” […]

Jan 262012

A couple of folks have asked for a little… clarity… about who I am, how I come to be here writing this, and about the cast of characters. My strong inclination isn’t to go too far down that road – the blog actually lays out the answers to most of those questions if you read […]

Jan 232012

What does it say about me that I have enormous sympathy for Jeffrey Dahmer?  I mean, seriously:  I identify with him.  He’s a guy who, best I can tell, spent most of his adult life desperately trying – and, for the most part, succeeding in his efforts – not to kill people.  Sure, he fucked up […]