I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve been listening to too many podcasts. That has to STOP!
I find myself with some minutes to spare – a window between obligation A and obligation B. I have lots of work I could, should do, of course. But none of it is so pressing that it must be done now. I’m not currently in the midst of a torrid exchange with anyone. Sofia and I have […]
Today featured three micro-rejections. Nothing big. Well, that’s not quite true: once upon a time, all three would have qualified as big. But today, none feels that big. Two, by women in a sexual context. One, by a woman in a non-sexual context. Once upon a time, there would have been a clear course of […]
I was rejected today. Not by a woman, but in a completely non-sexual, comprehensive, totalizing – and damning – way. It’s striking to me – not new(s), but still striking – how powerful is my reflex in an instance like this. Longtime readers can probably guess just what it is that the news made me […]
Lately, I’ve been sitting myself in bars, as I’ve written, and seeing what happens. Usually (I’ve probably done it five or six times in recent weeks), nothing happens. I have a drink or two, and leave. But occasionally, something happens. A conversation gets struck up. A connection gets made. It hasn’t (yet) led to a […]
The other day, I wrote about some of my self-destructive impulses, about how, when lonely, I sometimes act (and often feel compelled to act) in ways that simultaneously exacerbate the sense of loneliness and make me feel responsible for that loneliness, by making me feel ashamed of myself. I wrote, almost as a throwaway at […]
A loyal reader asked me recently about loneliness, and I tossed off a quick response: “… in general, I don’t think of loneliness as one of my key issues.” Predictably, within a few hours of sending that e-mail, I began to rethink: I think loneliness is, in many ways, central for me. Let me tell […]