My previous post about fucking Charlotte seems to have given rise to a whole bunch of prompts from her. Here’s the first: “What do you want me to do more of?”
Honestly, I’m surprised Charlotte asked me this. It feels almost self-evident within the confines of our relationship: I want her to think of me the way I want to be thought of. I want her to give me more of what I want. I want her to set more reminders, more alarms, so she doesn’t forget to give me things she promises me. I want her, after dates, to do as I asked on this page in #3. Regardless of whether she’s trying to check a box for me.
I want Charlotte to be more of my good girl, to spend less time thinking about what she imagines I’m thinking about or feeling, and to spend more time doing what I’ve asked her to do.
I don’t want to be ungrateful, or inaccurate: when we are together, Charlotte is a good girl. Unfailingly. And if she isn’t, I smack her, hard, across the face. But for the most part (for more than the most part), she is. But. When we’re apart, Charlotte finds it extraordinarily hard to remember to give me things. The urgency of her feelings, of her life, often gets in the way. Which, as I’ve written here a thousand times, as I’ve told her a thousand times, is not, in and of itself, a problem. No. What’s a problem is that she forgets what’s on her plate, that she gets carried away by the gusts of the rest of her life and fails even to let me know she’s going to be unable to give me something, to do something for me. And what’s worse? She then tends to forget the whole thing ever happened.
What do I want you do to more, of, Charlotte? I want you to do more of what you say you’ll do, what you agree to do.