What if you owned me Monday through Wednesday every week. Like we had designated days.
Charlotte proposed this. I read it, and – the way my mind works – I read, “What if you didn’t have anything to say about me Thursday through Sunday every week. Like I had designated days.”
That did not appeal to me.
“We can discuss. But I don’t initially like that,” I wrote.
Tell me why?
“That’s four days I don’t own!”
But that’s three less days I’m allowed to go on dates. Plus whatever days I spend with you.
Charlotte thinks I want to prevent her from going on dates. She’s incorrect.
It’s true that I find it easier when she doesn’t go on dates. It’s true that I would like for her dates to be more consistently mindful, healthy dates. It’s true that I would like for her to have more evening activities that are not dates. But it simply is not true that I ever want to prevent her from going on a date. I simply have no interest in that particular form of control.
“Let’s discuss,” I wrote. “I appreciate the idea. Let me think about it. It’s useful to play around with stuff like that. I would much prefer you ask for permission for any date. (Which I would grant unless for very good reason.)”
I think I like that.
“I also like owning days. But I don’t like NOT owning days.”
There were a few more words back and forth and where we left it, I thought, was that we would discuss. Which we have not, as yet, done.
Some days later, Charlotte wrote, “May I see Al Friday?”
“You don’t need my permission,” I wrote. “But yes.”
You wanted me to ask.
“Is that right? Ok….”
She re-forwarded to me some of the exchange above.
“Let’s discuss,” I proposed, again.
I think I do like being asked permission to go on dates. The only reason I can imagine saying no would be to a sex date an evening before a date with me. Charlotte tends to stay up late on sex dates, and to be tired the next day. And I don’t want her tired for me. Ever.
And more than “permission,” what I want is knowledge, consultation, communication. So the “permission” structure establishes that.
I’m wondering, though, about the Monday-Wednesday proposal Charlotte made: did she mean, she simply wouldn’t have dates on those nights? Because if that’s what she meant, I like that, too. Not so much because it represents some sort of jealous deprivation of her ability to fuck other men. But because… well, because Charlotte dates too much for own mental health! She tells me this, at times. She knows it. She needs more healthy, non-dating activities. Maybe, if she agreed that – not (just) because I own her, but because it’s best for her – Mondays-Wednesdays would be non-date nights (except, possibly, with me) – maybe that would be hot.
I’m just not sure?
But for now, I think I would propose those two things:
- She ask for permission for dates, which permission I will not unreasonably withhold.
- She agree that Mondays-Wednesdays will be non-date nights for her, except to the extent she sees me.
I’ll be curious to hear her thoughts. After all, I think we kind of agreed on these, that this proposal is actually where we got to. But we need to nail down the specifics.
Postscript: we have a deal.