Translating Breitbart headlines

It’s not sex, but I thought, as a public service, I might offer translations of Breitbart headlines for those of you unfamiliar with them. 

Every day, the New York Times publishes a roundup of writing on the left and the right, in the guise of helping expose people to views different from their own. Sort of. But what they aren’t doing is covering the propaganda effort being waged effectively by the right, so I thought I’d show you what I wish they would cover, as it seems vital to me to cover the news not as it has been covered, but as an incipient authoritarian be covered.

These are just a few of Breitbart’s headlines from this morning:

Headline: Sex offender allegedly raped seven year old six weeks after his release from prison for another rape.

Translation: Perverts are everywhere, and mushy-headed liberals want to release them all from prison so they can rape your daughters and wives!

Headline: Stevie Wonder: “Can’t say black lives matter when blacks are killing blacks.”

Translation: N…..s are busy killing one another, and Black Lives Matter isn’t just hateful, it’s absurd. And look! A n….r agrees with us!

Headline: Texas heat kills three illegal immigrants in one day.

Translation: Our country is teeming with cockroaches – I mean illegal aliens – I mean “undocumented immigrants” [imagine snide tone]; they are weak and useless.

Headline: Ohio State football recruit wears t-shirt: I hope I don’t get killed for being Black today.

Translation: Fucking stupid n….r. He’s a fucking football player. If he can’t defend himself, he’s a histrionic pussy.

Headline: Elizabeth Warren on McConnell health care bill: these cuts are blood money, people will die.

Translation: Pocohontas doesn’t understand that the threats our country faces are Muslims, and n…..s, and criminals, and pedophiles, and perverts. She’s fucking RIDICULOUS for saying people will die because the government gives a few fewer dollars to worthless welfare queens.

Please understand: I’m translating. These are not my views. But they are what Breitbart wants us to hear.

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