Kinkly just published their annual “Top 100 Blogging Superheroes” list. You know, like, a list of the best sex blogs.
I’m not on it.
- I’m disappointed – I like when people acknowledge what I do here.
- I’m envious – I want the accolades and traffic and attention that comes with being judged to be “the best.”
- I’m mystified – are there really 100 sex blogs that are “better” than mine?
- I’m reminded how alienated I am – I know that there aren’t 100 sex blogs that are “better” than mine. But there are very few “sex blogs” with much in common with this one. I suppose calling this a “sex blog” is misleading. I think it’s a sex blog, but, evidently, it isn’t. It’s a horse of another color.
I want to be #1. I want to be the best, and, more than that, to be recognized as the best. I want the most traffic, the most readers, the most accolades, the most… everything.
But I just want that all to happen.
I don’t want to think strategically about search engine optimization, about social media strategies, about guest bloggers or about participating in contests or other self-conscious attempts to promote this blog.
I have zero interest in the “community” of sex bloggers. It doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t generally enjoy reading sex blogs, and I don’t crave conversation with people who write sex blogs about sex blogging. Neither do I have any interest in doing the work necessary to gain recognition, traffic, or accolades.
This hasn’t always been true. I’ve had friendships, of sorts, with a number of other sex bloggers, and I still maintain one or two of them. At earlier times in my blogging career, I had fantasies about traffic (thousands of visitors!) and publishing (books!). I don’t have those fantasies any more.
I suppose I’ve been cured of them. My blog has found its level, and its level seems to be a fairly consistent audience, with the odd new enthusiastic reader. Once in a great while, someone links to me from somewhere big (like when Playboy linked to me), and it has a notable impact on my traffic. But other than that? I just tick along, doing the same thing, week in, week out.
I used to think I wanted more, but my behavior suggests I was mistaken. I’m content to just write, here, for you, and to trust that if you should be reading my blog, you’ll find your way to it.