Sep 132016
 

A while ago, I wrote that watching Craig Ferguson interview people – women in particular, but people in general – is a lot like the porn I might like to see.

There’s a show that was (is?) on Playboy TV called “Foursome.” The premise was, two hot women and two hot guys who’ve never met are brought to a beautiful house in LA, given all sorts of sexy weekend plans, and whatever happens, happens. Sometimes, there’s lots of sex. Sometimes not so much. Generally, at least three of the four get it on. In, you know, the most acceptable of ways. The guys never fuck one another. There often are FFM threesomes. Sometimes, a guy’s left out in the cold. The happenings are lubricated with generally ridiculous plans – trips to sex toy stores, massages by nude women, sushi served on nude women, etc. It’s very heterocentric, very male-oriented. It is, after all, Playboy TV. And, add to that, it’s very least-common-denominator. The participants are always, say, 22-27. They’re very conventionally hot. All could be porn stars if they’re not already. And conversation never concerns anything other than what’s happening on the show. No talk about family, or politics, or intellectual life.

All those limitations aside, for a while, I really loved watching the progression in each episode from stranger to bedmate. I have something like an infinite appetite for that. Maybe because, for me, seduction was so baffling for so long. Or maybe not. Anyway, I like that porn. I’d prefer it if the cast were in their 30s or 40s or 50s, and if the “lubrication” were less artificial. Scrabble would be o.k. But there honestly wouldn’t need to be “sexy sushi.”

Or, what about a sort of “Dating Game” or “Love Connection,” but where sex is explicitly on the table? Not that it’s expected, or even likely. Just possible. I’d like to watch that.

Or, what about, say, a talk show, hosted by a smart porn star (I can’t think of any smart men in porn – at least, there are none that I know of). Stoya, maybe. Sasha Grey. And she has conversation – flirty conversation – with a smart guest. And she – and he – decide if they want to have sex. We watch the evening progress. Maybe it’s not a desk/couch format talk show, but a “let’s cook dinner together in my apartment” type talk show. That would be fun to watch. In order for the show to work, sex would have to happen occasionally. But it would almost be better if it were like, one out of ten times.

That is porn I would watch.

Here is some other porn I would watch:

PTA porn: real flirting at real PTA meetings, followed by real fucking. (Ok, it’d be hard to be really real. But it would be awesome.)

Real-life pick-ups: women or men conduct real life pick-ups in real-life bars. Disclosing, along the way, that they’re filming.

Pizza delivery or plumber porn: send a hot, and willing, delivery girl or boy or plumber on enough jobs that s/he eventually actually gets laid.

You can see, the common denominator in the porn I’d like to see is real chance, the real overcoming of the obstacle of willingness. That is what is most hot to me.

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