The other day, I wrote that I don’t like to (have to) ask. This post got a lot of offline attention from people surprised to hear this, given the frequency and seeming ease with which I do ask, and ask for much.
It’s true. I do ask for much. I tend, in fact, to ask compulsively, incessantly, insatiably. Give me what I want? Great! I want more. Please.
And this, I suppose, is the point. I know that, given an inch, I’ll take a light year, and that most people reasonably will stop me, will say “No,” long before we exhaust my desires (a theoretical prospect at best). And not just “No,” but “Goodbye!” Possibly accompanied by an epithet, by some judgment.
That “goodbye,” that judgment, seems to be simultaneously that which I most fear and that which I most crave. It often looks to a casual observer as if I’m almost consciously seeking it, as I increase my demands, as I increase the cost of engagement with me. But the truth is, I would do nearly anything to avoid it, if I could.
This is my dominance: a driven quest to get all of what I want without even the slightest danger of rejection, or judgment. My ideal would be, as I’ve said, not to have to ask, for you to demonstrate your utter commitment to my desires by perfectly anticipating them.
But that’s rarely how the world works, and so ask I must.
And so I do. Please: give me what I want from you. All of it.