Oct 142015
 

I haven’t read much of “Exhibit Unadorned,” a fellow male blogger referred to me by the lovely Horny Geek Girl. I feel I’ve seen his blog once or twice, and may well even have commented or written about him, but somehow, never dug particularly deep. This morning, I found myself reading a bit of what he’s written, and found a recent post –  inspired by my friend Hy’s determined preference for “hung” men – musing on the size of women’s pussies, on how loose/tight they are, on whether it’s possible even to discuss the question, and on how men think about it. (Hy’s recent post on the subject was awesome.)

The tl;dr version of Exhibit Unadorned’s answer is: “vagina tightness” doesn’t matter, it’s not a thing, not for him, not for other guys.

This is not my experience. Either as regards myself, or as regards other guys.

Of course, I should preface anything I say with this: I fucking love pussy. At the beginning of the day, in the middle of the day, and at the end of the day, I’ve never met a pussy I didn’t love.

That said….

EU writes, correctly, I think, that “the way men talk about cunts is far more toxic – and laced with misogyny. It’s also rooted in a profound fear of female sexual agency, and in the pretty gross belief that virginity has value: abusing women for not being ‘tight enough’ is really just another form of slut-shaming.” But he follows that by saying, “… I have never – literally never – heard guys discussing cunt size when a woman isn’t around.”

Um. I have.

Not often, not in refined company, not in the same way, or with the same alacrity, with which men discuss women’s breasts. But I will say this: men – particularly crude men – often boast about how “tight” a woman is. And, conversely, I’ve heard more than a few men lament that women’s pussies are looser after childbirth. Let me be clear. I’m not saying this. I don’t say this. And I’m not saying it’s true. But I have heard it said. Also, too, listen to men when they talk about anal: what many men (say they) love about anal sex is… how tight it is. (I put “say they” in parentheses because I suspect there’s a lot more going on than simply physical sensation, but it is a factor, to be sure.)

Notwithstanding the disclaimer I wrote above, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice “tightness” or “looseness” as a feature of a woman’s pussy. I do. It’s one among many characteristics I notice. But it is, definitely, one. And, as a man whose cock is on the smaller side, it’s a characteristic that matters, when fucking. Not dispositively. Not even mind-changingly, at the margins. But it does have an impact.

How could this not be so? Just as Hy wrote, in the post of hers that got this all started, “I don’t know if I have some giant hallway-sized pussy or something, all I know is that my intense wetness creates a severe loss of sensation for me, so unless his cock is big, I’m not feeling him.” Well, if Hy’s not feeling him, isn’t it safe to assume that he’s not feeling her?

EU writes – and I agree, for the most part – except for the “noticing” part:

“There is certainly no correlation whatsoever between tightness and sexual performance, nor has it ever had a material impact on my enjoyment of a particular partner’s body. 95% of the time, I’m not sure I even notice either way. The preference for bigger dicks obviously has an aesthetic element for a lot of people, but cunt size only really becomes apparent during penetration, whether with fingers or cock. At that point, there’s generally too much good stuff going on for minute differences in tightness to cross my radar, and I’m much more likely to get excited by how wet my partner is, or how good her skin feels pressed against mine, than I am to worry about whether she’s squeezing me as hard as the last woman I fucked.”

And/but, I would add, he conflates noticing with comparing. These are two very different things. The chances that I’ll “worry about whether she’s squeezing me as hard as the last woman I fucked” are close to zero. But the chances that I’ll, at some point, think, “FUCK – she’s tight – that feels nice,” or, “OOOH – I’m sliding around a little in there – I’ll readjust my position to give me more friction” are actually not that small.

So I’m not saying he’s wrong, or that I disagree, entirely. I’m just offering a little perspective. Incidentally – I suspect that we men are more prone to care more about women’s “tightness” in direct proportion to our small-ness. Just a thought….

  5 Responses to “Does pussy size matter?”

  1. Very interesting points. I too have definitely heard it discussed and also definitely noticed differences. Political correctness aside, sometimes it *has* affected my enjoyment. It’s definitely not the only factor involved- there are visual people; there are auditory people; the mind is the biggest sex organ; etc.

    One thing that crossed my mind is that, if it’s friction we’re looking for, wouldn’t wetness also be an enemy? Wetness, just like looseness, reduces friction; and dryness (but not too dry) increases it. Or maybe I’m getting all the science wrong here…

  2. To what SLI said, and apart from all my ranting about giant dicks, I hope I made it clear that I get too wet. It’s a thing dudes seem to love, but you know all the complications it causes me. I love it when I’m dry. Absolutely the best until I’m sopping wet. Slow, tight, lots of friction. And then Bam! not so much! Lol

    I was relieved to read Exhibit A’s take on it because a fear I have is I’m a bad lay (haha) and not surprised to read your counter balance because of course wouldn’t at least some men notice what’s happening?

    PS: is our email broken???

    • Our e-mail is broken. Or I am. I’ll fix it. And my experience of wetness is it’s not exactly the opposite of tightness. A tight, wet pussy feels different, better, than a looser, dry one. There’s tightness, and there’s friction. They’re related, but different. And for me, the physiological experience of tightness is dwarfed by the psychic experience of wetness.

  3. I think wetness is definitely an issue and it can often be confused with looseness. The deal, for me, is that if I’m too wet I have a hard time feeling him whether he’s massive or small size makes no difference. Us women don’t have any nerve endings in our pussies so it’s not like we can feel anything up there anyhow, but a man’s GIRTH is going to be felt no matter how wet we are because it stretches the outside of our pussy, and that’s where all the nerve endings are. I’m guessing that’s what Hy was talking about. So no I wouldn’t say it’s safe to assume that if she doesn’t feel him, he can’t feel her. Men have nerve endings all over their cocks so they just generally feel more.

    Having said that, men do love wetness. I think they love the “idea” of wetness but I think we all ultimately get better traction and friction if there isn’t a lot of wetness. So I guess it’s a matter of finding a middle ground.

    Then there’s actual tightness, the tightness that comes from the muscle clenching. That has to do with how strong a woman’s Kegel muscles are. They can be strengthened, and after childbirth they often loosen because there can be a prolapse of the uterus. I often wonder if men really do get a feel for that or if they are just noticing how wet or dry a woman is.

    N. have you never tried anal sex? I’m pretty confident saying that a man can definitely feel a difference in tightness between anal and vaginal sex. I would trust men in their love of anal sex for the tightness. I’m sure there are other factors to loving it, but tightness is definitely very high up on the list.

    • I have had anal sex. And tightness definitely is one feature of it. But, as with anything sexual, most of the action (for me, at least) isn’t, actually, in my genitals – it’s in my mind. And there, the biggest differences between anal and vaginal sex aren’t physical. They have to do with the meaning I attach to your ass, to your cunt, to fucking you from beneath, above, behind, in the part of your body that gives birth, and near where you pee, or to the dirtier part, the part where I’m not supposed to fuck you, the part where your shit comes out.

      I’m not universalizing. I’m just saying there are associational differences that are, for me, much bigger than the physical, sensual ones.

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