As I descended the stairs into the subway – a particular stairway at a particular station – I was overcome with a powerful memory. It was a memory like a smell memory – overwhelming, totalizing, transporting. To a lifetime ago.
I remembered the dissociation, the shame, the emptiness, of what I used to do before descending these stairs.
And in the way that such memories can go, it wasn’t just a memory. It was an experience. I didn’t remember how I felt back then, I felt how I felt back then.