Nov 042013

Monogamous people don’t often have the experience of being rejected by new interests.

This is a particularly comfortable, appealing aspect of monogamy, but I’m not convinced it’s “better.”

The other night, a hottie from whom I hoped to collect a kiss, maybe more, disappointed me, offering instead that rejection I so fear. Was it me she rejected? My personality? My looks? My sexuality?

Or was it something less specific, something more circumstantial?

I can’t really know. I’m left to my own devices, to guess at her reasoning. As I said, this isn’t necessarily comfortable. But I think it good, an opportunity, for me.

I carry into my adulthood a predisposition to shrink away from rejection (and, of course, to court it). I feel very lucky to be able to experience it in emotionally safe contexts. This was a woman I found attractive, whom I’d have loved to use in a variety of ways. But honestly, it’s no skin off my nose if I never talk to her again. And/but, learning she’s not interested – first, the night of, and then a day or so later, again, confirmed – sucks. It leaves me unmoored.

Which I get to study.

  4 Responses to “Monogamy and rejection”

  1. Sorry for you you got rejected… but glad you see it as a way for self reflection… (well, you’re quite good at the self reflection already, you’ve shown it numerous times in this blog…)

  2. Certainly don’t need to be bothered by this sort of rejection since you already have one waiting for you at home.

  3. I so relate to this. One reason I stay in my marriage is that I cannot handle rejection. A lover tells me I need to get over it, not to take it personally every time. But, shit, it IS personal. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.

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