Nov 302013

I have a lot of Gmail accounts. I’m not, honestly, sure how many. In general, I have two personae on Gmail – N and N’, the “real me,” the dude whose name is on my birth certificates. But N has a few e-mail accounts for different purposes, and so does N’. And before I ended […]

Nov 282013

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans, and anyone who likes, you know, to be thankful. I like to, and today, I am. For my family – I’m just about the luckiest guy in the world in this way. You have some slight glimpses into that from this blog, but seriously. My family – nuclear and extended – rules. […]

Nov 272013

Her ambivalence is rampant. Mine, vanquished. Most crudely, I collected her willingness, her compliance, her orgasms, even if only for a night. The prize was won. This isn’t usually how I conceptualize my desire, my encounters, my relationships. I genuinely don’t prize notches on my belt. Rather, I prize connection, and, usually, sustained connection. But […]

Nov 262013

Twice today I found myself in the company of raw, debilitating (for me) beauty. In each case, the woman with whom I found myself, face-to-face, was distractingly, impossibly, striking. And in each case, the circumstance was such that, even were I so inclined, even were I not rendered speechless by what was in front of […]

Nov 252013

I wrote about how I should run from E, whose ambivalence, I felt sure, spelled ruination for me (and for whom my ardor spelled her ruination). I didn’t run, and I’m glad. Contrary to past experience of such situations, E came through for me, providing me with an awesome evening of cock-sucking, fucking, cunt-licking, and […]

Nov 252013

1. Cross your legs. That’s not very ladylike. Your cunt is shameful. Your sex is shameful. You are inherently shameful. I am shameful. Women are shameful. We women all are shameful. 2. Don’t want what you want. What you want is shameful. You are wrong, different, broken. I am shameful. I am alone in my […]

Nov 222013

We sat around a table – six or eight professionals, all upper-middle-class white people, all working in the same professional field, in the same place, having an informal lunch. Two men, six women. All straight, save the other man. The man, offhandedly, un-self-consciously, revealed that he and his husband have an open relationship. He was […]

Nov 222013

The Emperor of Ice Cream Call the roller of big cigars, The muscular one, and bid him whip In kitchen cups concupiscent curds. Let the wenches dawdle in such dress As they are used to wear, and let the boys Bring flowers in last month’s newspapers. Let be be finale of seem. The only emperor […]

Nov 202013
Thoughts on what feels good (getting vs. having #3,245)

Over the last couple of years, I’ve had two connections – with L and with V – that have been unlike anything previous in my life. (The relationship I had with the Historian was similar, structurally, though it was shorter, less intense, less comprehensive.) These were connections with women who submitted to me gleefully, who […]