Aug 222013
 

Ok.

I’m sitting here. I’m not sure if I got my feet in a good position. My ankle feels like it’s pressing against the floor a little hard. Ow. Shit. I should have gotten my position straight before I started the timer. Oh well. It shouldn’t be too bad. Let me start paying attention to my breath now. In breath – out breath. One. In breath – out breath. You know what would be really nice right now? Or honestly, just about any time, but maybe later? A really really good blowjob. Yeah. That would be desire. Back to my breath. In – out. One. I’m not breathing very deeply. In fact, it seems like I’m barely breathing at all. I’ll try to take a deeper breath now. In – out. One. Yeah, a blowjob would be great. I think we need some salami. Also, light bulbs. Shit – I forgot to put up the smoke detector. Again. Thinking about the household, about stuff that I need to do. Feeling like I’m shirking. In – out. One. In – wait a second. My shoulder hurts. Well, it’s not really pain, is it? I mean, I usually think it’s pain, but what is it right now? My cock is twitching. That blowjob is on my mind. I can imagine the sensation so clearly. Oh – shit, did I turn the stove off? I was drying that pan, but I think I may have left the burner on. Shit. Oh  – let me go back to my breath. In – out. One. In – I have an idea for a post. I could write about a typical meditation session, all the thoughts that flow through my head during it. Oops – I’m planning. In – out. One. In – out. I wonder what people will think if they read what I write? Will they think I’m crazy? Deranged? Boring? Narcissistic? Do they understand that I don’t actually think I’m any more interesting than anyone else? I think I wrote about that once, but I really should write a bit more. There’s more to be said. Oh – I’m thinking about writing, and about how I’m perceived. Back to my breathing. In – out. One. Is my foot falling asleep? I can’t tell. I can’t really feel it. I could wiggle my toe. That would tell me if I’ve got the pins and needles happening. But I don’t really want to – I like being still, keeping my foot still, keeping my whole body still. I’m gonna keep my foot still for the entire period. Whoops – that’s self-satisfaction and pride right there. Back to my breath. In – out. One. I’m so much better at this than I used to be. I used to be moving around constantly, fidgeting, indulging my pain, relaxing, easing my discomfort, whatever. Now, I’m much better. Oops – there’s some more self-satisfaction there. Let me go back to my breath. Did I just hear something? What was that? Is someone coming? Shit – I thought I’d picked a good time, but here comes someone. Oh, no. No one’s coming. I can go back to my breath. In – out. One. My stomach just grumbled. I’m hungry. I wonder what we have? Do we have anything good? Shit – I hope there are some pretzels left. I’m hungry, and planning. Back to my breath. In – out. One. But seriously – I am hungry. And I don’t really want a pretzel. What do I want? Oh – hungry. Back to my breath. In – out. One. In – out. DAMN, my shoulder hurts. It’s sharp, now. Stabbing. Shit – I wish it would stop. I never imagined I’d be a person with chronic pain at such a young age. Shit. Hurting. Hurting. In – out. One. In – out. Two. I’m tired. Do I really want to sit here for 20 minutes? That’s a long time. I know I set the timer, but there’s really, honestly, a lot of stuff I should be doing. In – out. One.

  9 Responses to “Meditation – the first minute”

  1. Just a little feedback to what you write here. It will be better if you can break up what you write into small paragraphs so that it will be much easier to read. Hope you don’t mind and have a nice day.

  2. Sounds pretty similar to my own meditation time.

  3. I thought this was hilarious. I do the exact same thing when I pray sometimes!

  4. N. at his best.

  5. love. this.

    (i love it when you’re human….. well, youre always pretty human actually)

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