Aug 312013

My current funk surely is, in some ways, related to my somewhat diminished recent activity as “N.” Regular readers will have noticed that the blog has been more… ruminative… of late, featuring far fewer tales of exploits, and far more internal wanderings and wonderings. Lots of musings, very few stories of sexual exploits (my last […]

Aug 302013

Part I: Craving I began this post, “I found myself wanting…” but I realized that “wanting” is an entirely amorphous state, a way of articulating a mental and bodily phenomenon that obscures, rather than reveals, its own essence. The question is, how do I know that I want, what is wanting? There are, for me, […]

Aug 302013

She’s 25, maybe 28. From South Asia, brown. Plain-looking. Her head is covered with a head scarf, navy blue, wrapped tight so as to contain every strand of hair. She wears unfashionable purple plastic glasses, behind which her brown eyes avoid all contact. She wears a black tunic-like dress, buttoned up to her neck, where […]

Aug 292013

I’ve been feeling a lot of envy lately. Envy for people with more money, for people who’ve achieved more professionally. Envy for people who have more sex, who are better looking. Envy for people with less complicated psyches. Inevitably, envy flows almost seamlessly into anger and resentment in me. Irony abounds in my envies: I […]

Aug 272013

I was talking the other day with a good friend. She’s not submissive. She likes to be bossed around, told what to do. But she likes to say “no” as much as she likes to say “yes,” and she doesn’t get any particular pleasure out of the act of submission. I think, on the other […]

Aug 262013

I like to watch you touch yourself. I want to tell you what to wear (you know that). I want to tell you where to sit, or where to lie (you know that). I want to tell you what to do (you know that). I’ll sit, facing you. My cock will be in my hand, […]

Aug 232013

Hypothesis: most of us have at least one or two things that we really really don’t want someone to know. (Google and the NSA could confirm this.) Some secrets are shameful (like the ones I carried around for years). Some aren’t so much shameful as embarrassing (like that I can’t describe this Cheerios ad without […]

Aug 222013

It’s a funny word. Sometimes, it means, “Do this, but don’t accuse me of impoliteness.” Sometimes it means, “I know I can tell you to do this, but I respect you, and so I’m delivering my order to you politely.” Sometimes, it means, “I hope you’ll do as I ask, and I expect you to, […]