Jan 012013
 

Thanks, Lily, for including me in your #SexReader Best of 2012 review. That review has some great bloggers on it – I recommend it highly.

I’m flattered to be there, and grateful. And it reminded me of a self-effacing post I had meant to put up a while back.

A few weeks ago, Rori of Between My Sheets included me as #78 on her list of the top 100 sex bloggers of 2012. I confess, I was half thrilled (“Woo-hoo! I’m one of the best!”), half pissed (“Really?!? 78?”), and half amused (“How did she decide that I was better than #79, but not quite as good as #77?”). Her list is an unapologetically subjective review. And I should note that many of my favorite sex bloggers were even further down than I. I take no pleasure in this, as several of these are, objectively, simply better blogs than this one:

Obviously, her list is subjective, and I guess it’s not surprising that many of the blogs I like most – blogs that feature not just smut but thoughts – were huddled together in the same neighborhood. Also, and I guess it’s fair to say, I’m not so crazy about Rori’s blog itself (this isn’t to say it’s not quality, just to say that it’s not really my cuppatea, and if I were ranking the top 100 blogs, I might rank her around, oh, say, 78, too.

One of the first things I did when I saw the list was to click on a number of those (way) ahead of me, to see if there are things they’re doing that make them much better than me, and the honest answer is, while there are some who are slicker or more polished or who have more robust publishing platforms, in terms of content, there’s not a lot that I aspire to be more like. (Notable exception: Hyacinth, of “A Dissolute Life Means” I really like her mix of thoughtfulness, sexiness, and exhibitionism – emotional and physical.)

But this all is bitchiness on my part. My feelings were hurt that anyone would rank me #78. As I wrote the other day, I spent most of my life believing I was #1, so being ranked #2 (let alone #78) stings. For a moment.

And then I remember:

I do this for me. And for you – the people who actually care about what I have to say, who like it, who care, even occasionally, about the words I write. And whether Rori (whom I don’t know, whose blog I don’t read regularly) ranks me #1 or #78 or #100 doesn’t matter a whit in my life.

And yet? I still want to be #1.

Maybe in 2013….

  4 Responses to “Vanity”

  1. If I were making the list you’d be my number 1 because I love what you do. In fact, I think you were number 1 in my nominations for that list! I wish there were a more thoughtful, carefully organized and dare I say *curated* list. Maybe I’ll start one. Because I have so much free time. But there has to be some good stuff out there beyond the 100 on the list.

  2. And if it makes you feel any better, you made another list today. I didn’t make it. I’m a little pissed about it to be honest. Seeing as I had no idea it existed, that seems a little over-reactive. http://www.redregioninferno.com/theinferno/top-blogs-2012/

  3. Like you, I’m on Red Region Inferno’s list and on Rori’s list (I was # 50-something). Also like you, I’m flattered that someone though to include me on their list. However, it’s kind of funny because the longer I’ve been blogger (4+ years), the less and less that I identify as a ‘sex blogger’ or a ‘sexy blogger’, yet at the same time now I’m showing up on these lists.

    The worst thing a blogger can do? Write to please others. Those blogs feel much less authentic than those that are written by people who write about what they’re passionate about. Keep doing what you’re doing!

  4. I don’t disagree with you (am I allowed to say that?? I fear I sound ungrateful!). And thank you *so* much for noticing the difference in my writings. I work hard on my craft, after all 🙂 Dissolutes, unite! 😉

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